Brave

My Dear Hailey,

It's a rainy gloomy day here & I'm making chicken soup. Sissy will be home soon. It's finally cooled down but we haven't been able to really take advantage of it yet, except for our daily walks with Rocky.

It's been a tough, tiring week and being home alone in this weather makes my mind go places I rather not go. My heart aches even more....and there is nothing that can be done. No medicine that I can take to make it go away. But writing to you always helps...


I meant to tell you that we saw Isabelle & her mom last week at Panera. We were there for dinner one day after school & she saw us & stopped by to say hi. It was so good to see her. She looked so much taller, prettier, her hair longer....her mom looked pretty too. Isabelle was wearing her gym outfit for track. Immediately I thought, Hailey would probably be in track too. Hailey would be taller & prettier too....they would still be close friends.

I wanted to stand up and give her a big hug but I was afraid my emotions would get the best of me. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or scare her off from ever approaching us again....

I'm so glad we got to see her, it's been so long.  I know that you are looking over her & all your friends, our angel. I know she is one friend that will always remember you and we will always remember & love her too. Good friends are forever, even when they are apart. <3

............

I also wanted to share with you the paper your sister wrote in school. The assignment was to write about a recent "significant event" in your life...

She wrote about the dream she had of you last year, not too long after...

She told me about it when she first started working on it. She was a little nervous & scared to share it with anyone other than her teacher.

But yesterday, for back-to-school night it was hung up outside her classroom with all the others for everyone to see. She was so excited for us to read it. Luckily, Daddy had the day off so we both went together.

It's so sweet, beautiful & heartbreaking at the same time, my mouse. I told her how brave she is, not only to write it but to share it....she even let me share it on Facebook.

I was in tears after reading it, filled with happiness, sadness & pride, just like she describes....




<3

Thank you for visiting her in her dream. <3

.........

She had a tough week too, so Daddy & I went to lunch & brought her favorite Chick Filet. We always look at the tile while we're there....the one on the wall that her & some of your other friends painted in your honor last year.

She said it looked much better before they put the glaze on it. :)

Bella said they painted a dolphin on top, with a mermaid that looks
like you. She said the glaze erased most of it, but I told her it's
nice just the same. The best part is it was made by all of them & will
be there forever. <3

This year, Bella's teacher is Mrs. J. Your running coach from last year. We were really happy when we first found out, and specially from what we saw yesterday, we know Bella is in good hands. I will also never forget how they were there for us last year & all they did. Her & the rest of the running club....

I still have the framed picture they made, of all the girls legs, sitting in the shape of a heart...along with the medal....

I think that's a big part of being brave, my angel. To open your heart, as vulnerable as it is, & find the strength & courage to look at the positive, to look at the bright side. To let it uplift you...

I've found it helps, when you can't uplift yourself.

Of course, it's not easy sometimes. Grief is not easy.

I'm so proud of your sisters, of us....but we've had so much help along the way to get us this far.

Even as time continues to pass....we are always being reminded that we are not alone. All these signs, reminding us that you are always with us. That we also have our friends & family...

It's much easier to be brave when you are surrounded by love. We are so blessed.

I know you are being brave up in heaven too, my little girl. I know God has put you in charge of doing many great things. I will always be proud of you too, no matter what.

We will always love & miss you.

No matter what.

Until we see you again.

Forever,
Your mommy

trying to be brave and believe