Another holiday without you & the end of summer, unofficially.
It was a nice weekend & we tried to make the best of it. We invited the family over for a small cookout yesterday. Between the beautiful weather & seeing them, it really lifted our spirits. I'm so grateful to have them.
The more & more I learn about living in this bereaved & grieving world, the more I realize how lonely it can really be. There are so many that don't have anyone.
........
Your sister the mermaid just came back from the pool with Daddy. The last official swim of the summer. Just like you....the first ones to swim on opening day & the last ones closing.
This pic came up on my memories & it reminds me of just that...
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| You two would live in the pool :) |
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| At our old house, with the band they hired at the last-day-of-summer pool party. :) |
.........
Earlier today we went by the gardens to say hi & to replace your summer flowers with fall ones. I hope you like the colors....the other day there was a most glorious sunset that I saw on the way back from work. It was the most beautiful one that I've ever seen, my mouse. It lit up the entire sky! Of course it reminded me of you.
I was inspired. So I tried to look for similar colors for your new flowers....
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| It really was the whole sky. The top part is tinted only because the car window is.. |
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| The effects of hurricane Hermine. |
See my mouse, we're trying...
Trying to stay in the light because we're no good in the dark. It's a choice we have to make every single day. From the moment we wake up, then make an effort every minute after.
But when you're dealing with grief, most times it makes that choice for you.
And I hate it. I hate being down, feeling broken & helpless....it's never been me. But I hate what's happened. I hate that I can't change it. I hate that it's changed us. I hate that you're physically gone. I hate that I have to wait so long to see you again...
I hate & hurt.
I've read enough to know that this is "normal". That it's ok to feel this way. But what's not ok is to get stuck there...in that place of no return.
It's so hard baby girl. We miss & love you so much.
Love.
That's what I have to remember. We hurt so much because we love so much. And love is a gift. Not everyone is lucky enough to be blessed with this gift.
You were a gift to us & hopefully us to you...
Because I love you my sweet angel....because I love your sisters & Daddy, my family, friends & even myself....
I promise I won't give up.
We won't give up.
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| Your beautiful sisters on their first day back to school. Bella let me cut her hair & she asked for the long bangs, the way you used have. They always have the mouse inspired hairdo's with the braids & ponytails. :) |
And we see & feel you everywhere.
In every sunrise & every sunset.
And always in our hearts...
Forever & ever,
Your mommy <3
💜💜💜
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