Sissy's sweet 16

Dear Hailey,

This morning as we hugged, kissed & wished Sissy a happy 16th birthday, our hearts were heavy wishing you were physically here to share her special day.

I lit your purple candle that we always light in remembrance, & said a little prayer over breakfast. First I asked that you forgive us if you thought we forgot about you this weekend...as we celebrated your sister's birthday. That we may have been having fun, enjoying her special birthday...but it doesn't mean that you weren't on our minds. That we didn't miss you, my mouse. Because we did. So much.

I know it may sound irrational to think or feel this way. But not to us. It's probably a part of grief that only we could understand- the grievers; but cannot explain.

After spending the whole weekend making wonderful memories with family & friends, we were in tears this morning thinking of you. Missing you.

Sissy rarely cries, so it hurt me even more to see her in tears just before she left for school. Then later, I saw your post in my FB memories from a couple of years ago. Your last birthday wish to your dear Sissy...

Sissy holding you as a baby.

I had to share it & remind her how precious she was to you. How great of a sister she was & still is...

How no one could ever take that away from her. What a gift you were to each other.

And of course Bella too. <3

And I reminded her of the rainbow too.

Sissy will be always be "Sissy" because of you. You are the one that started calling her that out of the blue when you were little & it stuck. Just like you called Isabelle "Bella" since she was born & it stuck. :)

........

Yesterday the family came over & Papi made good food (Sissy's favorite Chicken Parmesan). It was nice to have the house filled with love, warmth & laughter. It made me happy to see your sister smile.

I wanted to light the candle then, but I got distracted with playing host. But not once did I forget about you baby girl. Your sister either...

This showed up on my FB feed last night as I was thinking it...

Ice cream cake from Cold Stone, per Sissy's request.

So we had to visit you at the gardens after work & school today. In the freezing cold & howling winds...

Just in case you didn't hear us before.....just in case you needed to hear it again.

That we love you & miss you everyday. But even more so on these special days.

Always & forever,
Your mommy <3