Yesterday the NJ E. family left after dinner. Grandma & Pops stayed for just a day but the girls & Uncle Chris & Aunt Didi were here since Monday. As usual we made a great time & made the best of their visit.
The girls are growing so fast. Sydney is already driving, although she didn't drive down here. We didn't think it was a good idea since she doesn't know the roads around here & traffic is so terrible. Jaylen is turning into a young lady too. I love her original style with her clothes & hair. Camryn is such a cutie, a little talker just like you & Bella. :)
We went to see Sing, went ice- skating, and Bella & Camryn made cupcakes with the new mixer Pops & Grandma got us for Christmas. They also bought their famous brisket, ribs & mac n cheese and lots and lots of cookies...and Grandma made her also famous pancakes for breakfast. We were spoiled as usual.
They went to see you at the gardens too...I didn't go because I wanted to give them private time with you. Sissy went & said they all talked to you.
It was a great visit my mouse. We are lucky to have such a great family.
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On Christmas Eve we went to Alina's to celebrate Christmas with the rest of the family. Everyone but Auntie & the boys. They were with Chris's family, but hopefully we'll see them tomorrow.
We did ok until it was time to open gifts. Bella got really sad & started crying. She said as I hugged her, "She should be here too."
I said, I know. I know. And just hugged her, told her it was ok to cry and miss you. That I loved her.
There is nothing more than we can do when the other is hurting, than to just hug one another & say we understand. To tell the other that we love them & we are here for them. It's not a complicated thing, yet it seems like a hard gesture for some people. To have compassion.
I don't know why, baby girl. But some people just don't have it. I heard a comment Tia C made to Papi as your sister was crying & it made me so upset. It broke my heart. I rather not repeat it & bring back the feelings I felt long after that night.
Later when we went to midnight mass all I could do was cry & ask God to give to strength to survive & forgive. One cannot change people's heartless & ignorant thoughts.
I may forgive however, I will never forget.
So it turns out, not all family is perfect. But at least Papi stood up for us. :(
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I was still feeling down about it until yesterday when Horacio posted the pictures he took in Alina's garage & I read all the comments...
There was nothing but well wishes. Everyone saying how beautiful the pictures are....
No one said, "When will they get over it?" "How much longer will it take?"... :(
They were not as cruel as that. They at least had some compassion. What this world needs more of...
Oh baby girl. No one can understand unless they've gone through it. That is what I tell myself. But people with compassion at least try to put themselves in your shoes. There is no malice in their hearts.
Because of this, I try to be less judgmental & more compassionate to others myself. Hard lesson to learn.
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It was hard to smile through these pictures my angel. I kept thinking you should be here, not just your picture.
But we weren't going to leave you out. You will always be a part of us.
Love never dies.
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Uncle Brian sent me a text last night & said how the beautiful the pictures are & how it made him sob. He reassured me that I've done everything the right way...that I've loved unconditionally with a true heart...
It made me cry too but for a good reason. It's what I needed to hear.
Thank you my angel for that. I think you knew it's what I needed to hear.
I hear you messages & see your signs.
I don't care what anyone thinks. I just know what I feel in my heart.
And that is no matter what we will continue to love & remember you & each other.
That we will see will see you again.
That is never good-bye.
It's just see you later.
Always & forever,
Your mommy. <3
Vani, never let those words with you down. Like you said, grief had no expiration date, and no one needs to apologize for living day in and day out with it.
ReplyDeleteIt is ignorance, perhaps not said maliciously either, but hurtful nonetheless. I'm sorry that happens.
But you're doing the best you can, and that's more than enough. The way you stick together and embrace one another through the waves of grief, I hate that this happened-that she's not here... but I'm so proud that as a family you guys have made it through this far.
I haven't been on fb of late very much, been down for a while- working out my kinks (or trying to). But I did see the pictures, and i was so happy to see her still in them with you, and to see your smiles together, even though missing her, because you are each other's strength and pillars.
Love you all.
Thanks Z, I'm glad to you have the support of my true family. It means the world to me. I'm hoping & praying for a happy new year to you and your family as well. We all have kinks to work out. Wishing you strength & happiness <3
DeleteWhat a thoughtful and loving sister was my first thought. I had a similar feeling last Christmas with Tio sis. It does hurt so much especially when it's your family. Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding though. There are some things that are just common sense. If you are human, then you should just know. I know I am not helping, just sympathizing because it's painful. Sometimes it's better to not say anything if it's not going to help. I hope Bella didn't hear it. I have more tolerance for children because they are more challenged to be so enlightened with their limited experience...but from adults, I do have more expectations. Just know, that there were many, many, more people that saw you all in your picture and were touched. Hailey belongs with you all. Forever. She is a part of you all and will always be. I feel like if she wasn't a part of it, it would've felt incomplete, and I imagine this is how you all must feel too. There is a lot of pain and very much of a longing for everyone who loved her so. I am always thinking of you all. I'm in awe and inspired by your strength and love...the fact that you all have built a stronger bond and help lift each other up, is truly amazing. There are always people out there who judge, unfortunately, but love and healing doesn't have bounds. People say that time heals all wounds, but, there are things that happen that become a part of you, change you, and you just live with it day by day. You learn how to adjust yourself, with an altered spirit. I can't even imagine the type of pain and waves of emotion that have and continue to cross your paths. Sometimes, my own heart can't bare to see it, feel it, I can sympathize and feel how difficult it is to be there, and would never expect any of you to act a certain way. I am glad that Pop stood up and said something, I know how much he loves us all...just know that you aren't alone in your feelings. We love you all.
ReplyDeleteThanks sis, I know I can count on you all to be my side. I can't speak for others..,,I can't understand how the same people can be there & caring one moment and so inconsiderate other times. It's hurtful. I've learned my lesson and will keep my distance from now on. It's unnecessary pain added to the pain we already have to live with :(. Love you guys. To know we are not alone means so much <3
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