Sometimes I need to say your name baby girl, even if it's in my head. Sometimes I whisper it...wondering if you can hear me. But I need to say it, to remember you aren't just a ghost or a figment of my imagination. But that you were very real...and still are.
Our Hailey. Our beautiful girl.
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Tuesday was Bella's recital & she did great just like you did. I did better than I thought, but still sad. They say sometimes the grief felt in anticipation of a meaningful day is worse than the actual day itself...
She was nervous before we left but seemed to be at ease on stage. Talking & smiling away at the friend sitting next to her. A social butterfly- just like you. :)
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| Wearing her purple too. |
We saw Carly too, or she saw us first & came up for a hug. It always makes me happy to see her. She told us she misses us. That they still talk about you at school. That they were sitting around in the cafeteria talking & laughing...wishing you were there, saying "You know what Hailey would say."
It makes me happy to hear they talk about you baby girl. That they still remember you. I'm so grateful for your friendship with her because she is one of the few that has kept in touch up until now. No matter how much time passes, she will always hold a special place in my heart. <3
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Later that night I posted in my grief group on FB, about the flashbacks & being sad. I posted this pic of the both of you...
It helps me to vent to parents who "get it". To hear that I'm not crazy or stupid for having these thoughts...or even worse; alone. There are others who have experienced similar feelings with school functions.
It's hard my mouse. No one can deny that. Like usual, I want to find the "something beautiful" in something so cruel & sad...but that night I was lost in trying to find it.
Now I can see that something beautiful in my girls up above, both sharing the same violin. The same smile, heart & spirit. Something special & unbreakable. Something no one can take away. My Rosebud too.
My three girls. Always my something good. Always my something beautiful. <3
Love Always,
Mommy
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| <3 |
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