New Year's came & went. We had dinner & Papi's, came home, waited for Daddy to get home from work, had our traditional night of hors d'oeuvres (aka carpet picnic, minus shrimp cocktail because we waited too long & it was still frozen at the store & minus mozzarella sticks because we were still full from dinner), watched Dick Clarke's NYE live & counted down to midnight, ringing in the New Year with some sparkling cider.
We made a toast & said our NY resolutions. We wished you a Happy New Year in Heaven. I kissed your picture & shed some tears. Then we tried to calm Rocky down because he was scared of the fireworks. Then I went to bed because I had to work early the next morning...
....
It was a nice normal night spent with the family. Your sisters seemed excited for the New Year. I tried to be excited too. I tried to avoid the thoughts that ran through my head...such as...
Another year without my baby. How will I get through another year? Just the thought was exhausting.
It's not the way I want to start off, my angel. But I can't help it. New Years is about reflecting on the past & thinking about the future. Our goals, dreams & aspirations...
To think about these things without thinking of you is impossible. It makes me sad to know that my only wish will never come true....at least in this lifetime.
So, my resolution is to try & stay strong & keep your memory alive. By continuing to work with Type One Diabetes awareness & by trying to be a better person. Like Daddy said, "To the best me I can be."
...
All I can do is hope this year brings us peace & strength. That we have the opportunity to actually live & not just exist. That we are able to feel joy & happiness once again.
I love you my little girl. I will continue to miss you until the end of time.
I know that with each day, each month & each year that passes I'm one step closer to seeing you again...
And there is some ease in that.
Fly high baby girl.
Always & forever,
Your mommy <3
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