Today I finally heard back:
Debbie and Vanessa,
I apologize for not getting back to you two sooner. Dr. xxx the President of the AAP has expressed an interest in joining our meeting, so once I get dates from him (hopefully today)I will share them with you two to check your availability.
Thanks,
Jane
...
I had almost given up- disheartened after not hearing anything back yet again for another couple of weeks. I told Debbie I was going to try maybe once more but then step back because of the emotional connection I have with this project & I was feeling too frustrated & disappointed.
She reassured me & told me not to lose hope. She followed up with Jane herself & we got this reply today.
...
Not to lose hope.
It's almost like I have to repeat this everyday, my mouse.
To not lose hope. To not give up on life.
To not let your passing define you or your life...to not let it define us.
Easier said, that's for sure.
Your absence is felt every single second. The reminders of what happened every time we turn the TV on & they have a diabetes commercial, or watch a movie or hear a song about dying or death. It's all around us.
We have to fight for hope every single day.
...
 |
| Gorgeous haired mouse. Always wanting to straighten that beautiful wavy hair. <3 |
No, we should never let ourselves be defined by our weaknesses or our tragedies...life can be so much more. But we have to fight...we have to try...to see the good...everyday.
When I look at you & your sisters & I always think- did I really do that? Did we really create these beautiful smart girls? I used to think that when you were babies lying in your cribs, as you were sleeping peacefully.
Then as you got older & started to talk & walk & show your own personalities.
And now, as I recall all our wonderful memories. I look at you & your beautiful smile & remember the words that another bereaved mom; Sara, said when she first saw your picture.
She said looking at your smile told her you were happy & loved.
And you were my mouse.
And you are still...
...
If I have to be defined by anything- I just wanted it to be that. All along I just wanted to try my best in raising you girls & giving you a better life.
After you passed, I thought I failed- big time. Nothing could of convinced me otherwise.
But then we saw our first rainbow, then Hailey-flies, then all the other signs...
It gave us hope.
I had to weed the bad memories that were mixed in with the good. Recalling the good ones reminded me of all the love we had. All the good we did.
I can look at them proudly & say, yes we did that.
I would like nothing more to be defined by that.
 |
| <3 |
Continuing with this awareness project will further define your beautiful life my little girl. It will give hope & save other lives.
It will show how much your beautiful life impacted us & that it didn't end when you passed. It will show how much love & strength you left with the ones that love you. That you still continue to guide us...
It will show that hope is still fighting for.
Always & forever,
Your mommy
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