In exactly two months, it will be two years. I didn't want to start this letter with these thoughts, but it was my first thought that came to mind this morning.
We kept a candle lit for you for most of the day. Your sisters were home for President's Day & luckily I had the day off too. I helped Bella with her science project that's due tomorrow. We did all the boring stuff that we put off the whole weekend- because it was too beautiful to be indoors.
On Saturday, Sissy drove us to the battlefield near the gardens. We parked near the start of one of the hiking trails & we could see the opposite end of the gardens of where you are...heading toward that direction. But it took us a different way in the end.
It was just a beautiful sunny day, my mouse. I needed to be out & breathe some fresh air. Just like when my first mother's day without you...nature called me to go out to the river....& we saw our first Haileyfly- that followed our little boat for more than a mile down the river...
It was calling me again, to go walking with your sisters...in the middle of no where. Just us, trees fields & sky. There was even a nice breeze too.
It's almost the same feeling as watching the sunset or sunrise....there's something about it that makes me feel closer to God, closer to you.
It's my church.
The great part is that your sisters enjoyed it too. Of course poor Daddy was working.
I'm trying to be grateful my mouse, for what we do have. I silently promised you that, when I was walking out there...breathing in the fresh air, feeling the sun on my face, the breeze in my hair...
Half feeling sorry & bad that you couldn't enjoy it with us. But then I realized you were. I told myself you were.
Because I could feel you by my side & in my heart...& I knew that you were able to enjoy so much more being up there in Heaven. So much more than we could ever imagine.
I promised you I would live for the both of us, down here.
It's a tall order, but I will try my best. But God, please give me strength.
Because I still miss you.
Everyday, every second.
I love you my sweet girl.
Wait for me, ok?
Always & forever,
Your mommy
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