Anne

Baby girl,

Another month gone. Almost another year gone. Time keeps ticking. Sometimes this life feels like a dream....made up of slide show pictures. One that I wish I could wake from & start new.  A new life with you back in it.

I know I can easily spend the rest of my days like this...I know I probably will. Even though I don't want to. I know I'm helpless to turn back time & I don't want to live in the past...longing each minute.

But you are part of that past. You are a part of me. Of us. And I can't live this life without you in it... I don't want to.

So we learn to how live in the now, for the future, with you still in it.

My beautiful angel.

This is a beautiful way to start.

In my last letter I told you about Alina & Mike's baby. Well, guess what?

 


















They named her Mia Anne. On behalf of Mike's mom & you. Can you believe it?! When I saw the post on Facebook I burst into tears. I showed Daddy & he was in shock too. We are both so touched. Your sisters too. It's so sweet, my mouse. It's a reminder how much you meant to all of us & always will. <3

I cried in Daddy's arms, telling him how I just wrote you the letter about the baby the other day. I told him how emotional I was then, seeing the baby & thinking about you...and then this.

Mike said how him & Alina hope Mia Anne will have the "same kind spirit & loving attitude too", as you.

It's funny that I told them the whole story about your middle name at the hospital. How we first named you Ann after Grandma who's Patricia Ann...with no E. But Daddy insisted on an E at the end even after we filled out the birth certificate. So I said fine, went through all this trouble to change it, but I told him he'd have to be the one to break it to Grandma. He never did of course... but I think she eventually figured it out anyway. I have to admit though, that I kind of like the E at the end too.

I wonder now if that story helped them decide, but either way they never said a thing. :)
......

This has made my heart over half full again. That & getting updates on how Joshua loves his easel & is being the little artist. And this too...

Proof that good things can come out of bad things.

See baby girl. I have shared my pain with the world & it hasn't been for nothing. Out of sharing our story, people- the right people have listened. And they're doing something about it.

And I'm going to do something about it too. I'm going to try. I try each day, even if it's just to breath & get through the day. Sometimes even that feels like a stretch.

But I'm doing my best to make you proud. You & your sisters. Even if doesn't seem like much...

......

Every time I see baby Mia I will smile.

I'll decorate the house with Christmas decorations this weekend with Sissy & Bella & think of you. I've picked up many angel things along the way this year & now I can display them.

We will try & live in the present, for the future...taking the best of the past with us. You.

I love you so much & miss you more...

Goodnight Hailey Anne. <3

(AKA Mousey Anne sometimes..:)

Forever,
Your mommy

memory