Back to school

My mouse,

Just a couple more weeks of summer left before your sisters go back to school. I took them to buy some supplies earlier this week. This picture popped up on my "Facebook memories" one day. This was you & Bella this time last year, in the parking lot of Target. All ready for back-to-school shopping, with your purses (like you were going to pay), lists & clipboard in hand.

The caption read: "All ready to go, back to school shopping is serious business!"

 

You even had a pencil tucked in your bun, behind your ear...

 

You all loved shopping in general, but back to school shopping was your absolute favorite.  

 

Picking out all your supplies in your favorite designs & colors, making sure they all coordinated. Checking off your list as you went.

 

You had it down pat. All you needed me for, was to pay the cashier at the end.

 

Then going home organizing & labeling your supplies...

 

 

I thought about this, as we walked through the aisles. Watching your sisters as they checked off their lists, imagining you there, taking first dibs of all the cute stuff. Arguing of "who saw it first."

 

I never thought I'd have one less kid to shop for. I hear people complain around me & quietly wish to myself that I would still have 3 kids to shop for. How lucky they are.

 

The same at work, now that parents are calling for last minute appointments trying to get their kids in for shots & physicals....every time I get a mom of an 11 yr old, going to middle school...my heart skips a beat. How lucky there are.

 

It's something I know I will have to live with forever. All those milestones to come, I will have to find a way to bear it. Without letting myself get buried in grief. Sometimes it will be unavoidable.

 

I still haven't even gone through your book bag from last year my mouse. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I know I will have to eventually. For now, your purple book bag lays on the floor beside your bed, just where you left it.

 

 

 

 

*******

 

Mrs. Stroud invited Bella & your friends Isabelle, Tanya & Abby to help set up her classroom for the upcoming 5th graders. I thought it was so sweet. Of course your sister is thrilled. She can't wait. Specially because Mr. S offered to treat for lunch afterwards. :) I hope Bella gets her as her teacher too in the 5th grade.

 

Time continues to pass baby girl. The other day we took your blanket from your room & slept with it. It still smells like you. Some days we just miss you so much. But Bella put it back the very next day. She's afraid if we use it too much, "your smell & germs will go away." She's probably right.

 

I love you Hailey Anne.

 

So much, babygirl.

 

We miss you everyday. So much..

 

To the moon, around the universe & back....

 

Always & forever,

Your mommy <3