Haymarket Day

My sweet girl,

We went to the Haymarket Festival after Bella's (which her was her first win) game this Saturday. We took Daniela & Natalia & they had a lot of fun. We got little mermaid, butterfly, angel & fairy figurines made of pewter & colored stones. They had their faces painted too, just like you girls did last year.

Haymarket Day 2014

Pretty butterflies

This year.

I was remembering all the festivals we ever went to. How much you always enjoyed them. We smiled recalling how last year you & Bella got infatuated with these pink dolphin bubble guns, that you saw some other kids playing with. You begged me to buy one for each of you (because of course you couldn't share), saying "Please Mommy. That's the only thing I want!" And of course...I couldn't say no.

We followed the bubbles all the way to the other side of the festival until we finally found them. The Jamaican guy was all smiles selling them for $10 a pop, batteries included. He even put them in, so you both could get to bubble making right away...you both loved it. Yours is still on your dresser where you left it...

*******

The best part of my day was seeing your friend Carly. We ran into her on the street near the vendors. She smiled & shyly waved hi. I waved & smiled back. It looked like she was with her brother & Dad. A few more times I saw her again & she did the same. Until finally we met by the moon bounces & she came up & gave me a nice big hug. :) As we were talking about how she likes middle school & the One Direction concert (apparently she is a big fan like Sissy)- her Dad & brother walked up. They both introduced themselves. It took him a little while for him to realize I am your mom...

He apologized for "being awkward" & gave us his deepest condolences. Said he never met you, but heard a lot about you from Carly. He is a native New Yorker, big talker with the accent & frankness that I miss. Compared to many North Virginian's who are more reserved, fake & stuffy.

It was good to see her, my mouse. I could tell she had wanted to come up to me the first time I saw her, but maybe she was just shy at first. I told her Dad that our door is always open & I would love to keep in touch with all your friends.

So here we are my beautiful angel. Trying to keep going with life. Things are not perfect. Very rocky in fact. But there's been a change in me that I cannot explain....other than I'm no longer afraid.

I feel as though the worst thing that could possibly happen to me has; therefore nothing else in this world could compare. Realistically, there are 2 things. But I dare not think, say or write them. Because that would be the end. Of everything...

That is all for today my beautiful girl. Before I let my mind wander into places it shouldn't...

I love & miss you so much. It hurts me not to have you here by my side.

Come visit me in my dreams if you can.

Always, always,
Your mommy <3