The rain finally stopped & the trees have started turning colors. It's actually starting to feel like Fall now. Bella wanted to start decorating for Halloween right away. We know it's your favorite holiday, next to Christmas. She said you would both talk about it in bed at night, with excitement about decorating and "buying more stuff over the years to make it look scarier." :)
We started but not done yet (it took us a while to find the boxes). We still have to get the cotton for the cobwebs (that you helped me with last year) & put up the orange lights. Last year you were so proud & happy with the results, you took a picture for your Instagram.
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| Your pic you posted last year. |
Your sister of course, still also wants to get "scarier stuff" to decorate with. We'll probably carve some pumpkins too, like we do every year....
The weeks, they go buy so fast my pumpkin. It's not the same without you here. But we are making the best of it.
While shopping in the aisles, my mind goes from..."Oh this is cute for the house. This is cute for the grave"...it's still unbelievable to me in so many ways. But it's our reality. We continue, keeping you alive in our hearts.
You are always, always on our mind.
Which is why we also decorated your little spot there in the gardens. We noticed some of the other spots with updated plastic Fall flowers. I was never a big fan of plastic flowers, but we found the prettiest ones. Hand picked & arranged by us, just for you.
The grass is finally starting to grow. The final draft for your plaque was approved & submitted yesterday. The lady said it will take another couple of weeks before they get a delivery date & probably another couple before installation. We've been patient, my baby girl. Time is all we have. But I'd like it to be done before Winter...
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| Final draft. |
I think it came out nicely. I hope you like it. There were some other issues I had with it as of yesterday before I signed for final approval....but I decided- we (all of us) decided to go ahead with it. We don't want to delay it any longer.
In the end....it's about you my mouse. It's you & the loves of your lives, as Auntie Zulen put it. The truth be told....
No matter what, you will always & forever be, our precious angel.
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We got a nice surprise from Zulen, Mikey & Joshua too, just for you my beautiful girl. It will be a nice addition to the plaque. I know you will love it, but will wait to show you until it's ready. It's beautiful & perfect, like you. :)
There is so much more I could write to you about my sweet girl, but I will stop for now. It's been an exhausting couple of weeks. More emotionally than anything else. I'm completely done. I just can't allow any more pain to seep into my heart. It can't take anymore.
I've learned that a grieving heart has only room for one.
For the second time in 5 months, I've learned to let go of something/someone I love so dearly.
I've learned that it is possible, to still love & let go....
It's something no one should have to learn, by any means. But here I am, not by choice...
But I'm still standing, my angel. And I know it's because of you & your sisters.
Today I finally felt a sense of peace & chose to enjoy it while I could. While I can...so I don't want to ruin it now, for either of us.
I love & miss you Hailey.
Forever our precious angel.
Forever, your mommy. <3
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