I'm finally getting a chance to write. It's been a busy week, but in a good way. I blinked my eyes & not only is it a new month but it's the start of summer too.
Bella & Daddy had their first swim at our pool today. Sissy & I stayed back to make a yummy dinner: steaks on the grill with salad & roasted potatoes. They were back earlier than I thought. Bella said they got hungry & she got bored after swimming alone for a couple of hours. That it wasn't the same without you. :(
Nothing is my mouse.
We had so much fun visiting Mikey & the family, but we missed you. I was picturing you holding Joshua & toting him around on your hip. Even at 6 years old, you would of still held him like he was a baby. Sissy said she was thinking about it too, so she held him more than usual. I got a few extra hugs & kisses on your behalf too. Specially when we said bye- I asked if I could get an extra kiss for you & he smiled & gave me a big one. Zulen said when they see the moon, they talk about seeing you there, walking Roger. :)
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| <3 |
We went to this place right by the water to celebrate Joshua & Gabriel's b-day. It was really nice & peaceful. As soon as we got there I saw the first Haileyfly. As I sat there on the picnic table, silently longing & missing you, there it was. A big one too!
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| In the last pic, it was heading straight to me. :) |
Then throughout the day; while grilling, eating & chilling right by the water; there were more. Little tiny purple & white ones & big black & yellow ones. When I thought I was alone in noticing I would hear one of the kids call out, "Look Vanessa! A butterfly!" "It's Hailey!" Then as I sat with Zuli by the water, talking about whether or not you'd be swimming in the lake with the rest of the kids (because you weren't crazy about swimming with fish), they said a butterfly landed on my big floppy hat. I couldn't see it but they said it was right on my head. :)
It was nice to say your name out loud, baby girl. It was nice to talk about you with Zuli. She wasn't afraid to bring you up.
I feel apprehensive sometimes, to talk about you or say your name...because I'm not sure how people will react.
Memories are tricky like that. They can bring as much heartache as they can joy.
So sometimes I don't say anything at all...
We enjoyed a nice hot summer day outdoors complete with ticks, mosquitoes...sweating our butts off, swimming in the river, dipping our feet in the water, grilling chicken, burgers, & hot dogs, chilling on the hammock, or underneath the canopy....playing with Joshua's bday presents....spending time with each other, making memories... & it was worth it.
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| Memorial weekend |
And I know you were there baby girl. I could feel your presence, specially at Mikey & Zuli's. I noticed the butterflies & the angels & your pictures in frames & on the wall. Right in hall, there was a cross right next to your picture & Roger's on the wall. I couldn't help but tear up & kiss your picture every time I walked by.
I know you were there when we sang happy birthday to the boys. Even Rocky sang. :)
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| Happy birthday :) |
Saying....
It's not goodbye. It's see you later.
You were there & you are here. You are everywhere & always will be.
Our sweet angel.
Zulen wrote on your FB wall, saying how much she missed you. I did too. We all did.
We love you too.
Forever & ever,
Your mommy <3
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| As a bonus, we saw a little bit of a rainbow on the way home. <3 |
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