The beauty of sunrises

My beautiful mermaid,

We had a chance to escape to the beach for a couple of days, but I'm sure you know because we felt you there beside us the whole time....

I was upset at first, when we were leaving...some of those same Déjà vu emotions coming back. The packing, remembering how much you loved the beach, how excited you'd be....the sadness of not leaving with you...I just couldn't help it. I brought your purple shell & your shell necklace you made that one year, just to have a little piece of you with us.

I kept reminding myself of our mini beach trip to Ocean City last year, when we saw our Haileyfly on the ocean, just before sunrise. I kept reminding myself of how magical it was, how close to you we felt. How we knew at that moment you were ok. That you were there with us, sending us a sign. That God too was trying to tell us...

Yesterday was another month & we wanted to make sure we were watching the sun come up, to feel close to you again. And we did baby girl. It was beautiful & surreal, being out there on the beach, watching the beauty of the sun rising over the horizon, promising a new day.

Spotting dolphins swimming, the sound of the waves crashing, feeling the cool breeze & cold sand in our toes. Such a calm sense of peace takes over, that we forget for a moment that the rest of the world even exists. For that moment....its just us, you & God.

Yesterday's sunrise

On the far left you can see a glimpse of a man who was swimming
in the middle of the ocean as the sun came up!

<3

Dolphins! There were so many!

This morning's; even more special because it was pink & purple. Two of your favorite colors. <3

Your sisters are good sports to wake up so early to watch the sunrise with
me, but they are always happy they do in the end. :)

Your shell that we brought with us. We decided we will bring it
from now on to every beach trip. :)

We didn't see any Haileyflies on the beach, but we did see many dragonflies. Auntie & the boys noticed like me, that there are more dragonflies than butterflies this year.

There is so much beauty that reminds us of you baby girl. And these last couple of days, as much we hurt because we miss you so, reminded us of how blessed we are too. That we can still see beauty in the midst of all this pain. You have so much to do with that. Your sisters too.

We are still & will always be working on repairing our broken little family & things like this help.

A friend of mine from high school texted me a message, after seeing my post of the sunrise on FB. It said:

"There absolutely are some beautiful things in this cruel world that lots of people fail to see. So lucky you're getting that opportunity."

I don't know if lucky is the right word, my mermaid. I will always be looking for you, just as I was looking for your mermaid tail in that ocean...

Another friend on FB who posted about watching the sunrise too wrote:

"God's love & his beauty is indescribable...if HE gives us this on earth- whatever will Heaven be like?!"

That is what will get me through my days here on earth, to imagine you in Heaven, living in a indiscernible beauty, waiting for me to join you.

I will do everything I can while I'm here on Earth to try & make that happen....to deserve that right. If my love for you & your sisters is not enough, than I will have to try harder.

Goodnight my sweet girl,
Sweet dreams in Heaven.

Forever,
Your Mommy <3