Your sisters & I are back from a mini adventure- a one day beach trip to meet up with Papi, Ayde, the kids, Auntie & the boys. Well, it should of been a one day trip but we got caught in a really bad storm on the way back & had to stop for the night.
I've never driven in that bad of a storm; thunder, lightening, torrential downpour, flooded streets, & power outages, major traffic & bad drivers- it just wasn't worth it trying to make it home in all that. It was scary enough for Bella to have a sort of mini anxiety attack. :( I just kept telling her everything was going to be ok. Luckily, we made it to a hotel off one of the exits that had a restaurant too, so we checked in, had dinner, took showers & went right to sleep.
I knew you were with us. When I left your sisters at the lobby so I could find parking, there was one space left close to the entrance right under a purple tree. <3
...........
When I think of having experienced the worst kind of loss, the worst of pain....there is a fear that dies within you, but yet another that is born.
Having survived the worst- I have nothing else to fear because nothing else can compare. But having your sisters- that is not entirely true. Another kind of fear is born & grows; the fear of it happening again. :(
I'm not in a hurry for Sissy to learn how to drive just yet. I'm not in a hurry for them to grow. I want to be able to protect & care for them for as long as possible. This occupies my mind, it helps me continue. Even with the pain of losing & missing you, it also comforts me to know you are our guardian angel. I know you are always with us & we are always looking for signs of you.
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| No sunrise, but a little piece of Heaven is shining through. |
We had a good time baby girl. It was short & sweet but even with the rain, we got to enjoy a whole afternoon at the beach under the sun.
It reminded me of all our beach adventures. Watching the kids in the water, it reminded me of how much you loved the water too. My mermaid.
We have so many great memories my sweet girl. Those are just two. Our trips to Point Pleasant & Jersey shore- because it was close to NY & Grandma's house. Paying to go on the beach. The little place we stayed with the outdoor pool that got burned down. Hurricane Katrina that ravaged the boardwalk & it wasn't the same since....
What are memories? Moments in time that we capture, not only in video or photographs, but in our hearts. Imprinted in ever fiber of our being.
We can lose & gain so much through life. But memories.....they are forever.
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| VA Beach. Missing some. :( Bella holding Val on her hip just like you would be. :) |
I miss you every day.
Forever & ever,
Your mommy <3
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