Memory

My beautiful girl,

We miss & love you so much. Each day gets harder without you. I hope you are ok. We talk about you & think about you every day. <3 <3

...........

This memory came up the other day.

It had us talking & remembering this day, the day you got your retainer/expander & braces. You were actually happy to get them, just like the time you got your first pair of glasses. To you, they were fashion accessories. :)

Later when they switched it to colored rubber bands, you were glad because you could color coordinate with your outfits for the month. Each month, new color. Your retainer was purple.

We laughed remembering how hard it was to understand you the first few weeks. How the retainer had you speaking with a lisp, but we didn't say anything because we didn't want to upset you. We'd have to ask you to repeat yourself..."What Hailey? What was that? Huh?" Until you eventually learned to talk normally again. :)

The retainer came with a thumb guard which you hated, because it left it's imprint on your tongue that made it sore- but it was necessary to keep your from sucking your thumb. It was a habit you picked up after I threw away your last binky when you were 4....too old to have a binky, then too old to be sucking your thumb ;).

That is part of the reason you needed braces...to fix what the thumb sucking did to your front teeth and because the orthodontist told us you had a small jaw & not enough room for your adult teeth to grow normally. They were too crowded & would end up overlapping...

They wanted to close the gap between your front teeth first with the braces & then work on expanding your jaw with the expander...

We would widen the expander/retainer every week by turning it with a key....which made your teeth sore for a couple of days until you adjusted. You carried a green case for it in your lunch box & I had a spare in my purse for when we went out to eat...

I think I still have the case somewhere & I probably will never be able to throw it away. :(

Alina always remembers the time we were at her house & it was accidentally thrown away....instead of putting it in your case, you wrapped it in a paper napkin while you ate....

You were so upset, so she helped you dig threw the trash until you finally found it. She remembers how happy you were & how you gave her a big bear hug...

Oh my mouse, we remember. It's funny the things we remember in detail & the things we forget. But these things, we will ever forget...


About a year & a half later, you got them taken out for good.



Daddy took this picture. I usually took you to your appointments
but I had to work this day. He has this on his phone & always looks at it, always
remembers this day. He said you were so happy to get them
removed. He took you to McDonald's for breakfast afterwards to celebrate.

 I miss that little freckle on your lip...you got embarrassed by it
when it first it popped up.

You always had a beautiful smile, even more beautiful then.
How I miss it. How we miss you...how you would light up the room. 

One of your friends last year, commented somewhere, that they never got to see you with your braces off....how they would now never get to see you without them...

I wish I could remember which friend or where I read the comment...maybe Instagram. I think it was a friend that moved mid-year...I'm sorry that I don't remember. I just remember this picture, wishing I could show them how you looked. Beautiful as always.

I hope they one day get to see this picture.

You eventually did stop sucking your thumb. But always held on to your pillow sheet. That will be for another letter, another memory, my sweet girl.

I don't want to forget these things, so I will keep writing them down.

I love you my little girl.
Yesterday, today & always.

Forever,
Your mommy <3