Nanny's Bday

My Haileymouse,

We are home during the daytime because of the extreme heat. It's too hot to even take Bella to the pool, can you believe it?

It's been like this for days at a time this summer. So hot that Rocky won't walk past the lake by the house. If we take him to the dog park it has be early in the morning or late in the evening...it's hard not to believe in global warming when you watch the news of all the droughts & wildfires on one side of the country & major flooding on the other... :(

We are doing the best we can my mouse. Daddy took some days off for the Jersey trip hoping to go to the shore for a couple of days, but I couldn't take the days off. So he's been home with your sisters instead, spending some time with them & driving them here & there (in his new hooptie:), enjoying his little bit of freedom now that he can drive. It's been great to come home to having groceries in the fridge (that I didn't have to get myself) & dinner already made. It's the little things.

Daddy bought a used car from a co-worker that drives well but has no a/c. :( So even if he could, he doesn't want to drive much anyway. Hopefully it either cools down or he gets it fixed soon!

.......

Nanny's birthday party turned out great of course. Everything was nice- the decorations (a lot of purple), the food was yummy (almost all made by Grandma), the slide-show was really special (many pictures of Nanny & her family, our family too).

There were people from her church, her neighbors in the building & of course family & friends. Many whom I haven't seen since....

I got many hugs my mouse. It was nice seeing everyone. It was nice seeing Nanny happy in her birthday hat that Bella helped make for her. I didn't get a chance to take many pictures because we were helping Grandma serve the food & clean up. It went by so fast.

I couldn't help but tear up during the slide-show, when I saw your beautiful face pop up. One when you were a cute baby & Nanny was holding you. Then of you & your cousins...& us. Aunt Didi & Uncle Chris came over to give me a hug. Aunt Didi said you had to be there, of course. We couldn't of had it any other way. Uncle Chris was cracking jokes to make me smile. It worked. Hugs are good. Jokes are good. Love is always good.

Wish we got more pics. I have one with Nanny & all the girls, but you
know Uncle C.

......

Your sisters had a great time with the girls. Brooklyn got so tall! I don't know if it's her thin frame, or her sweet personality, but she reminds me of you. I gave her extra hugs. <3

Uncle Dan got this one picture of the younger girls, as they walked to get ice cream after a storm. They all said it was you saying hi, reminding them that you were there. :)

<3 (Blurred C's face for her parents.)

Sissy said one night they went camping in the back yard. They actually set up a tent & everything & they slept there overnight. She said her & Brooklyn were out there looking at the stars & Bella went on the hammock looking at them too, thinking of you.

Grandma hung up a mobile in one of the bedrooms, on a hanger made of little origami butterflies that Camryn made thinking of you. I meant to take a pic of that too but I never got the chance...

We are always thinking of you my beautiful girl.

Our last day there, I got a text from Anthony's mom saying they found this while organizing his room & they said a prayer for us & you...

So sweet. Another treasure to add to our collection. <3

It brought tears, but they were happy tears. You always had nice handwriting & were a good artist. I love the Under Armour emblem on his shirt. :)

Dom's mom posted on your FB page saying they always remember you too...

It always means a lot to hear from them baby girl. I know as time passes things may change. It's ok. I've learned that my grief is different from others. But just to hear that they still think of you. That we are not alone because there are still many praying for us...

It makes my heart smile & gives me strength.

.............

This reminds me of the origami's that Camryn made. :)

We love you so much baby girl.
Everyday we think of you, talk about you & to you...
The season for Haileyflies is now & they are everywhere.
They've made me smile too, these last couple of weeks.

I miss you more than words can say.
This Friday will be another month. I'm sorry for not being able to stop counting...

I've been wanting to drop off a single sunflower, I've seen them everywhere too & they remind me of you.

My sunshine.

My sweet baby girl.

We are tying & doing everything we can to continue living this life & honoring you.. But it's so hard to be without you.

Always & forever,
Your Mommy


"The reality is that we don't forget, move on, and have closure, but rather we honor, we remember, and incorporate our deceased children and siblings into our lives in a new way. In fact, keeping memories of your loved one alive in your mind and heart is an important part of your healing journey." ~ Harriet Schiff, author of The Bereaved Parent