Bad day

My sweet girl,

Today was not the best day. Your sisters & I caught colds (turned into possible sinus infections) from Daddy and we went to school & work anyway...longest day ever.

Plus this cold gloomy weather we can't escape. The sun did come out once I clocked in of course...

I guess all of it just makes me feel sadder. Tomorrow is Bella's first violin recital & I'm going to have to leave early from work to make it. It will take all my strength not to break down thinking of your first recital.

You see, it's like I'm reliving the same timeline...

The field trip to James Town, Luray Caverns, your first & second recital....

Your sister's birthday in January...she'll be 11. You didn't make it to 11...

I'm just haunted by these thoughts and I don't know how to stop them. Please forgive me.

I still want to be there for Bella's recital. I will still go..

Today an old supervisor asked how we were doing & I started tearing up. I had to walk away.

I emailed the lady from American Academy of Pediatrics and I got no response yet. I have a bad feeling..

And I miss you so much I want to scream.

Today was just a bad day my mouse. I'm sorry.

I love you more than life itself. And I miss you more than words can say.

I just have to remember that are still reasons to live for; your sisters & Daddy.

Here's hoping for better days.

I love you.

Forever,
Your mommy <3


“It’s kind of beautiful, right, if you think about it: the fact that just because someone dies, just because you can’t see them or talk to them anymore, it doesn’t mean they’re not still in the painting. I think maybe that’s the point of the whole thing. There’s no dying. There’s no you or me or them; it’s just us. And this sloppy, wild, colorful, magical thing that has no beginning and has no end, it’s right here, I think it’s us." ~This Is Us 💜