Your sisters thought they'd get their first snow day today, but no...no snow. I was kind of hoping for a snow day too. It feels weird for it to be almost mid-February already & not have had at least one good snowfall. I've lived here almost all my life & that's never happened.
You girls always loved the snow. Specially you & Bella. So many memories of you going sledding at the old house with Juno, then the apartments, then here just a few houses away. The year we found out Bella is allergic to cold! Remember that? When her hands got so swollen & red I called the doctor & she had her tested, & sure enough...
But that never stopped her did it? Not even now. I just make sure she's wearing extra layers & extra warm gloves.
...
I didn't finish telling you when I last wrote about my episode with the gardens. Of why I was so upset...
We went by on Sunday to say hi & your flowers were gone with your vase turned in, upside down. It was yours & several others around yours...
There was a tarp set up just above- the ones they normally use during a service. They had one for yours too. It looked like they removed all the flowers for the service, to maybe place chairs around, etc. I wasn't happy, but I figured they'd put the flowers back in a few days. I went by there Monday to check again & still no flowers.
I went by the office to ask & they were clueless about where your flowers were. I spoke to a manager who walked out there with me so I could show her...she even agreed that they were probably removed for the service, but had no answer as to what happened to them afterwards. This made me upset because it's not the first time. This is the 4th or 5th time that your flowers have disappeared.
I let my emotions get away from me & told her how unfair it is that we paid over 4 thousand dollars for a spot where I can't even keep flowers for you...that the flowers themselves are expensive, because I only use the best kind...but what's worse is to visit you & see your grave empty.
I asked her if she could understand why I was so upset? That it's fine to have removed them for the service, but to not have a policy in place where they replace them once their done is just wrong. To just throw them out like that (because I'm sure that's what they did.)...is wrong.
That I come every week to visit you & I know for a fact that the others around you also had flowers & sentimental ornaments & just imagine how their loved ones will feel when they visit & see it all gone too?
Oh my mouse, I held it until I got to my car & just let it out burst out. Rocky... who was sleeping in the back seat jumped up & came to sit by me wondering what was wrong. I wonder if you were watching...
I just couldn't help it. I was mad your flowers were gone. I was mad to have to complain about them. I was mad that you were there. I was mad that I have to go there just to visit you...when you should be here. With me.
It all just came up and overflowed....I came close to having another anxiety attack, like I did in the beginning. :(
...
Daddy went by there the next day & saw they replaced it with a beautiful bouquet of spring flowers. He took a picture to show me. The lady left a message telling me they had...after having maintenance check the dumpsters & not being able to find your purple arrangement.
I couldn't call her back. I just sat in there breathing in silence. Just me & my pain.
Then your sisters came home & you know how their day went...having their bad days too.
Life is so just unfair & it's tiring to keep fighting sometimes, baby girl. We all do our best, but some days it's enough that we got through a single day with no worries or tears.
...
Btw- as I was writing this, is started to snow & Sissy came home. It stuck to the grass & cars but not the street. She's still holding out for a day off tomorrow, or at least a delay. ;)
I hope that next time I write I will have more happy news, my sweet girl.
We miss & love you everyday.
Love always,
Mommy <3
P.S. Actually I can think of two happy things baby girl. Yesterday it was so nice we grilled steaks. First time using the grill this year. We lit a candle for you during dinner, because our family dinners could not be complete without you.
Also, this morning, feeling sorry for Kayla for not having a snow day- I woke up extra early & made a nice breakfast. Daddy & Bella woke up too & we had all ate together before 6am (Sissy's bus comes at 6:30). Then she drove to the bus stop. She's been getting all the practice she can. :)
I love our family, my mouse. And you are still a part of it no matter what. You are still part of us.
I'm sorry your heart is so broken. I often times think about how much we've endured, not to dwell, but to remember how resilient and how far we've come-it motivates me and inspires me.
ReplyDeleteThe lack of compassion that I see is very disheartening. I see sometimes people just look at children as statistics or numbers, much like those employees at the gardens look at all those people there...what I don't forget is that everyone has a story.
They are not forgotten babe, not by the people that love them so. We get excited when we see anything purple or a butterfly, beautiful skies, when something good happens the boys and me always say-we think it's Hailey. :) We love her so much. I promise you, by the people who love you and your girls so much, it will never not mean anything to us.
It is very hard to get back up sometimes. Thank god for family and friends who are by our side. I really feel that those things really give people strength to endure everything that comes.
I'm happy that they replaced it...at least she heard your words and emotions and perhaps this will change the way they do things in the future.
We've been hoping for snow days too, it's so crazy not to actually experience a season in VA. I've heard people talk about how wonderful it is, and I love the warm weather and all, but I worry about climate change. It's hard to ignore...
Keep loving and pulling together, harder than ever. You also have us. All of you do.
Love you all 💜
Thanks for your words sis, they mean so much. We have each other. <3
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