A sign

My angel,

I had a hard morning yesterday. If you were watching you probably saw me struggling. I was home alone & went straight to FB & my bereavement group for help. I asked for prayers to get me through the day.

Then this happened a little later when I ordered pizza for dinner, right before Bella's graduation ceremony:

The receipt taped to the very front- with your name,
spelled the same way right there in plain view. <3

It made me smile.

Was it a sign from you or God? Some say the signs are from our angels, some say they are from God. What I feel is that it's you- but maybe that's what I rather believe.

Either way, I know it's to tell me that you're near & that you are ok. That's what counts.

Sissy said she thinks she knows this girl named Hailey that works at the pizza place, that she goes to her school. Don't think she likes her, but that's ok...

I just knew it wasn't a coincidence. I was exhausted from crying all morning & by the time your sisters came home from school I had no energy to cook. I randomly picked a menu from our box on the kitchen counter; a place we've been to before but never had food delivered from. Something new.

Moments later, I'm seeing your name there. Smiling thinking this can't be a coincidence. Remembering all the other times I felt just as crushed & receiving a sign from you...asking myself why can't I just remember this each time I start to feel like I'm drowning? Wishing I could, but knowing it's just not that easy...

I don't know baby girl.

If only it were that easy. To be able to control one's feelings.

But I do know that at my weakest point I asked for prayers & feel as though somehow, someway, they were answered.
...

I will tell you about the rest of the evening later. More happier moments.

For now, just know that I love you so much. Each & every moment, for the rest of my life. My heart will be with you.

Goodnight.

Love,
Mommy