Your laugh

Haileymouse,

Yesterday I had a lot of rude customers on the phone (typical for Fridays) & I started to make smart comments back- only in my mind or out loud (which I can do now that I work at home :) after they hung up of course...

When I also started to hear your laugh. I pictured you too, laughing at me in the background. That cute funny contagious laugh that we miss. It was so clear in my mind...when suddenly I swear I heard your voice in the background too. I heard you call my name, so clear & loud enough for me to pause what I was doing & listen for it again.

But I didn't hear it again. Just that once.
...

I guess you've just been on my mind baby girl.

I remember how you'd be the only one to really laugh & get a kick out of my corny jokes. How you'd crack up when I was in a silly mood. While I got the eye roll from Sissy or the smile/laugh or eye roll from Bella...you would be the one to crack up & say, "Mommy, you're so funny!"

I miss that. Maybe so much so that I've been acting more silly these last few days just so I can hear & picture you laughing in the background. <3

The girls remember & agree too- that out of all three, you'd be the one to better appreciate my silly side. ;)

Sissy said she can always picture you & hear you laughing like you did that one time, when we were watching American Idol auditions & the one funny looking guy came on doing some kind of yodeling or something & you just cracked up like never before...

I mean you fell off the couch laughing, holding your stomach and rolling on the floor. You made us all crack up too. It was the funniest thing my mouse. We will never forget. You watched it over & over weeks later & cracked up just as much each time...

Sissy remembers the guy's name I think. I will ask her if she remembers & see if we can find it on YouTube to attach here.
...

Those are good memories. The best.

To remember your laugh, your silliness- your joy & happiness. This is what we always want to remember. Maybe that's why I replay it in my head, so I don't forget.

In the beginning, if someone would of asked if I would ever smile or laugh again- I would of answered no; never.

But little by little baby girl, we somehow regained our strength back enough to smile again. It's only with help from you- by remembering your light, which keeps us out of the darkness.

I will keep replaying it, if that's what it takes.

If hearing your voice & laugh again, even if only in our heads...requires us to replay the memories, we will.

And I will always picture you too- in the background, laughing at your corny silly mommy, while your sisters give me the old eye roll. I will look & smile back at you & wink.

Our own little secret.

I love & miss you everyday.

Forever,
Your mommy