Feeling again

My mouse,

They say love is what makes the world go round & now more than ever, I find this old line to be so true. The only bad thing is that the world right now seems to be lacking it, now when we need it the most.

So many bad things are happening. It's hard not to get caught up in the anger & sadness of it all. To try & stay happy & sane in our own little bubbles, when all around us is chaos...

But I guess each one of us is living in our own little world of chaos too. Maybe that's the problem- all those lives living in chaos all at once, all these mini tornadoes & storms...combining into one major hurricane.

What can be the solution other than to turn towards love, empathy & kindness. To hope & not fear. To ask for help or offer help if needed. To not only have faith but take action for the good of mankind? Because in faith alone we cannot rely.

After all, if any of this was in His power...wouldn't of he done something already??
...

I don't know if this makes sense my mouse. I guess like so many, the ones that pay attention...I'm wondering what is happening right now.

I guess also...part of me is glad that I even care. That anything matters anymore. There was a time...and sometimes now still, when they don't...& that to me, is the scariest feeling of all.

I know half of me; my soul, my mind & my heart left with you...

It feels like a hundred years sometimes, that I've been living this way. With half a heart. Half a soul. Half a mind. I'm still learning how to cope. How to live again. To really live...not robotically, not on autopilot...not just half alive...

I used to not care. About anything. I couldn't. It was overwhelming to even breathe...
...

Now that I feel it all coming back to me, somewhat slowly...it's good & bad.

Good because I can wake up & look forward to something. Actually feel excited. I can participate in life- not forcibly. I can almost...for a split seconds at a time...even forget. Not about you of course, my angel. But about the pain...

Like today- helping your sister bake Grandma & Pop Pop's surprise anniversary cookies:

Your sister did such a great job. <3

We can't wait for G & P to see them. :)

...

 

On the other side of that baby girl, is feeling the bad too.

 

Just recently we received some news about my mom. I could fill many letters with how I feel about this. I can't right now...

 

But my heart is hurting.

 

Again, all we can do is rely on love, hope & faith to carry us through.

 

If you are watching my angel- if you have any pull with Him, please ask him to look out for her. I don't believe in miracles...but if he could just make sure she's ok, protected, safe. That's all I ask. We will try & do the rest.

 

I love you my little girl.

 

I miss you with all my heart.

 

I hope everything will be ok.

 

Forever & ever,

Mommy <3

 

 

 



Half a butterfly wing Bella found at the gardens. She said
it's a present you left for her. <3

A Haileyfly at the dog park. <3