The best parts

Baby girl,

Our vacation was not supposed to be about recreating memories, but in a way we did. It never dawned on me when making the reservations, that we'd be walking so closely down memory lane. It was good & bad.

Your sisters seemed to first forget the many memories we made there, so it was good to recall all those wonderful times we had. Little by little, it all came back to them...to us.
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When we lived in NY, the Jersey shore beaches were the closest beaches to us, so we alternated between Belmar, Point Pleasant & Seaside Heights.

We had our favorite little spots, our favorite restaurants. The last time we were in Point Pleasant was Fourth of July 2013, after hurricane Sandy. Over 4 years ago....

So much has changed. Even the beach seemed changed; smaller. But I don't think it was the place so much as us. Or maybe just me.
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By the second day I had to keep reminding myself that you were still there someway, by our side. The flashbacks of all the memories proved to be too much for me at times & I had to remember the little patch of sun from above...

It was hard baby girl.

It was gloomy the first day we arrived. The second day we got up early to watch the sunrise but there too many clouds & there were huge tidal waves coming from hurricane Gert (?) & we couldn't swim in the ocean the whole day. Luckily, we had the pool & the jacuzzi...

But the healing powers of the beach is what I needed more.
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While we still tried to make the best of it, my sadness just grew throughout the day. Daddy took the girls to dinner. A good cry is what I needed & that's just what I did. :(

He took them to Wharfside where we took these pics 7 years ago...

<3

<3

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The cry helped.

The next day I got to see the sunrise. Bella woke up with me. It was beautiful...

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Later we watched the fireworks from the beach, just like we did 4 years ago...while Daddy went fishing with Uncle C & Uncle D...

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Sissy got to go on a fishing boat with Daddy for the first time too.

 
                                                                        














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We went on the boardwalk at night, Bella & Sissy went on some of the same amusement rides you girls used to go to. We rode the bumper cars too.

Not meaning to, we did recreate some of the same memories.

I first thought it was a mistake to go there my mouse. I thought it was a mistake to recreate the memories...but it was unavoidable.

The pain of remembering seemed to only bother me, so I kept it to myself. But little by little the pain lessened & we felt closer to you.

To retrace the footsteps you once walked....made us feel closer.
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Who knows if we will ever go back baby girl.

It was a good reminder; to remind ourselves of the family we once were & that maybe we can be again...not exactly like before of course...

But maybe if we try to take just the best parts.

You included my angel.

Maybe it's possible to still salvage something beautiful of something so broken...
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I hope & pray we can.

I love & miss you my sweet Hailey.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow & everyday after...

Forever & ever,
Your mommy <3