Back in May, about a week after Alina's actual bday, we had a small birthday celebration for her at Tio's house. She called me the night before & asked if I could bring something personal that belonged to you. I didn't ask why.
I asked Bella if she wanted to pick something out & she gave me your teacher's badge you used to play with all the time after school. On one side you wrote your name & drew little figures of a heart & a dog. On the other, you used a Chuck E Cheese photo card with your pic as an ID card.
You were always so creative. It made me smile thinking of that day at Staples you begged me to buy it; a "a real teacher's badge"...
That day at Alina's party, we spent it with the family as usual. Grilling, eating, drinking, laughing in Tio's back yard. The kids playing & the grown ups talking. We took a few pictures & ate some cake...
It wasn't until the end when Alina asked if I brought anything of yours. When I showed her & explained to her the story behind it, we both hugged each other & teared up. She then told me why she needed it- because she was going to see a medium that night.
It was a lady she had emailed me about before who was coming to our area that night, that Alina had researched thoroughly. She did group sessions in a hotel...I wasn't sure about how I felt about group sessions. I had just had the session with my medium over the phone the week of your angelversary....which I hadn't told Alina about yet.
Because she knew I was hesitant, she bought one ticket only. I felt bad. If I knew she was going anyway, I would of gone with her, just so she didn't have to be alone. But I understood & fully supported her. She needed some answers too...so I told her to call me afterwards.
...
When she left a message the next day sounding disappointed, I was disappointed too. I thought what a shame...& tried to bury my sadness so it wouldn't show. When we finally talked I tried to hide my disappointment until I heard what happened & then my heart leapt out of my chest...
She sat there with other strangers who were making connections with the medium. The medium was able to get very specific with some people; even a couple who their child too. She was more than halfway done, when Alina took your badge from her purse & held it in her hand.
Not too long after the medium said she was seeing a vision of a man & a message about a "best friend", "something about a best friend" "And a birthday party"...."Is it somebody's birthday today?"
Alina said she kinda froze, hesitating over the man & best friend part & then thinking...her actually birthday was the week before...
Then the medium said your name my angel. She said she was "getting a name....Kaylie? Kylie? Hailey?
Alina still froze, not sure she had heard your name correctly. Maybe disbelieving...
She said some other ladies raised their hands, mentioning future birthdays coming...the medium answered, "No, it must be today." That the message was clear, "the birthday had to be today."
Alina said she still didn't know weather to raise her hand, still uncertain that it was you...& before she could make up her mind, the medium told them "if no one will claim it...we must move on."
It turned out that Alina was the only one that didn't get a reading that night. Everyone else had made a connection.
When she got home she said she realized it was you & that Mike- who doesn't believe "in that stuff" was disappointed in her for not raising her hand.
The message she first left on my voicemail was, "Sorry to let you down."
I told her in no way did she let me down. That it was ok she didn't raise her hand. That in my heart I knew it was you. We both did, my angel.
Then I told her about the reading I had, how nerve wrecking it was, even over the phone. I can't imagine in person with a whole bunch of people...
I told her what my medium said, about how she first saw "a man" too, with you. Saying he was the dominant spirit. She said it was a family member, someone you never met before, who passed away before you were born. How he's helped you transition since the beginning...
Our grandpa. Papi's dad.
...
Then the "best friend" part...I told Alina you probably know she's one of my best friends. How she helped save me that first year...
It all made sense. Then the birthday party of course.
So you were there my mouse. Watching...
Your spirit was there. Just like I always felt & known it to be true. Without needing a medium, I've always known. But it helped to hear it for sure...
I guess that's why I waited so long to write to you about it, baby girl. I know you heard me talk to Auntie & Alina about it...
...
I guess this is what I thought about during Grandmom & Pop Pop's anniversary party. Hoping that you were there too, watching & enjoying it with us.
My thoughts went back to Alina's party & how the medium knew about it. How she knew your name. How amazing that was...
Wondering what message you would of given to her? If any, maybe to just let us know you're always there...
The possibility of it is what makes me choose to continue to live in this world my angel.
Without it, I couldn't go on.
Knowing I'll see you again...
...
Oh baby girl.
I had to remind myself of this, on that day, because I was sad you weren't there physically. To see the memories during the slide show...the empty seat at the cousins table...
I will write about it more later. It was beautiful after all, I know you were watching.
And we all believe it to be true too, even Grandma, who bought this beautiful butterfly to put on the cousins table:
 |
| Never absent from our hearts. |
Because even when we can't see you, we know you are still there.
For now, I will go to bed with that thought alone. That you are with me, like Auntie said. Our angel, watching over our shoulders...
I love you my sweet girl.
Please come see me in my dreams, so I could feel one of your big bear hugs.
Love,
Mommy
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