Thoughts & prayers

Dear Mouse,

This month is already flying by. It's hard to believe Halloween was already a week ago.

So much has been going on these last few weeks, months, baby girl. I'm trying to keep up. I don't even know where to begin...

Our family has been going through things as you know, if you're watching from up above. Not only our family, it seems like the whole world has gone mad. But as much at my heart hurts for everybody else, it's our loved ones that I care about the most.

If there were only a prayer that would make everything alright.

If it were only guaranteed.

I would recite it over & over, until I lost my breath.
...

In the last couple of days, I've read & heard people say that prayers aren't always enough.

I know from first hand experience, that this is true.

While they are well intended, they're not always the answer, not always the only solution.

In our case, baby girl I know prayers alone won't change things around. I don't know what exactly would, but I know whatever it is, it will take as much love & strength as we could muster.

I guess that's what happens when old wounds re-open. I guess we can't expect them to heal or scar with less than it took to create the wounds in the first place.

Band-Aids baby girl. That is what we're used to. Placing Band-Aids on everything & continuing on. But how many Band-Aids will it take? How long before they give out? Only to keep replacing them, over & over...while they are only meant to be temporary.
...

My sweet angel.

I wish I could talk to you now.

I wish I could hear your advice & opinions.

Yet sometimes I think I can. Every time I hear the wind blow. Every time I see the sunrise or sunset, or see a beautiful Haileyfly...

When I see a beautiful flower or a colorful rainbow...

As cheesy as it sounds, it's true. I don't just say these things. I feel them, I really do.

It's as if you're whispering-.

I'm here Mommy. I'm everywhere. Don't worry. Love wins. Everything will be alright. Don't give up.

And I believe you are right.
...

I do believe that prayers do offer comfort & provide strength baby girl. Even if they don't change the outcome of things. So I won't give up on those, because I do believe that someone is listening.

I believe that in return, we are at least given some guidance & direction. We just have to be apt to see it; the signs that tell us what to do next.

These letters to you, are somewhat prayers too. I always feel better when I write them.
...

We are all lost my angel, trying to find our way.

It can be a very scary thing. Specially after facing hardship after hardship...

I guess what we have to remember while we're lost in this journey....is to pay attention to the beauty along the way. We may think it far away, but if we look hard enough, we will find it close.
...

I will say a prayer for everyone tonight, my angel, including you.

I will pray for healing...for our family & even me.

I'll have faith that what has kept us going this whole time- our love for one another, will continue to overcome any obstacles along the way.

I can always see you're beautiful smile, smiling down on me.

I love you Hailey.

I miss you every single day.

Goodnight my sweet angel.

Sweet dreams.

Mommy