Julian

Dear Mouse,

I haven't had time to write as much as I'd like, but I'm always thinking of you. This month has been busy of course, with birthdays, holidays, strings concert, baby shower & now even a birth.

Today baby Julian was born. :)

We got a chance to talk to Uncle Mikey & everything went smoothly, the baby is healthy & beautiful. We saw pictures just through the internet of course, but hopefully we get to meet him & see them soon.

He looks so cute, I know you'd be so excited. But somehow, I get the feeling that you've already met him & that you were there guarding them, like a true angel. <3
...

Christmas is just a few days away.

I think we're going to go to Papi's after all. I talked to him & he lectured me on the importance of being with family on Christmas & your sisters really want to go. They would of gone even if I stayed behind, but I know they really want Daddy & I there too. Daddy said whatever I wanted to do, he would do. It's good to have his support, to have him there holding my hand.

I think it will be very low-key this year. Some of the family is traveling & some will be missing. Sadly, I think Auntie will be one of them. :( But I know we will see her soon.
...

My heart has been at peace the last few days, baby girl. Somebody probably has been praying for me. Of maybe a few...for that I am thankful.

I don't take these days for granted. I try to make good use of them. I've also picked up a new hobby that helps with my stress:

Puzzleling:). Picked this up while Christmas shopping a few weeks ago.
It took me about a week in between work, cooking, cleaning & life...of
course it was the Haileyflies that attracted me.

It may be the hobby of a grandma, but like I told your sisters, it could be worse. This one is at least safe. :)

It does help though baby girl. Just like writing, drawing, coloring, watching a good movie or reading a good book. It helps to keep my mind busy & focused on other things...
...

I hope I can continue...to focus on other things. Better & more positive things.

You have to understand that my heart & mind never forget you my angel. And I don't want to forget you. That isn't my wish.

My only wish is to not have to feel this pain everyday. To get a break from it when I can. I know there will be days when it's beyond my control.

But for now, for today, I will go to bed with some peace in my heart. Focused on better days to come & looking forward to meeting your new little cousin. :)

I miss you my little girl. With every breath I take, until my last breath.

Forever,
Your mommy <3