This first week of the new year has brought on bitter temps & two snow days for your sisters, even though we barely got any snow. You know they were happy.
It's been cold in many places, not just here. I wouldn't mind so much, if I didn't have to leave the house. Working from home helps, but I think I used to be a bear in a past life, because I would love nothing more than to stay snuggled up warmly on the couch or in bed all day. Watching movies, reading books, taking naps, eating & snacking. The great thing about having your sisters home from school, is that they at least get their turns in walking Rocky. ;)
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It's still hard to believe it's a New Year. I haven't really made any resolutions. I don't really believe in them as much as I believe in having goals. But I do think a new year brings forth a fresh opportunity to think about & place them in the forefront.
I haven't lost sight of my goal to continue awareness of Type 1 diabetes, baby girl.
I think my motivation was shot down last year with the lack of interest from the VA academy of pediatrics to start the BT1 awareness campaign, then not hearing back from the CEO of my company, then going to speak to the representatives in D.C. & having them tell us in other words, that not enough kids or people were dying in order for them to make it a priority. :(
It hurt so much, in fact, that I had to step back from it all in order to not let it consume me. I mean, I showed up for two meetings in front of complete strangers & in tears shared with them our tragedy, our own personal story & it took so much out of me....
It felt like they were saying we didn't matter. That you didn't matter enough for them to make a change. That all those other angels who passed away from this damn disease didn't matter. It made me sad & furious.
I know I shouldn't take it personally, but how can't I? Hearing their praises for me & for my "strength & braveness" for sharing our story & blah blah wasn't enough. I felt like I let you down, again. :(
Then when my attempts at work failed as well, it even made me consider a career change...to not even hear back after that heartfelt email I sent...it was just too much.
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Debbie is a great supporter & motivator because she continues to stay positive & faithful to continue awareness. She asked all her followers on FB to come up with ideas for awareness for the New Year.
That's where my mind has been these last couple of days.
Of course with that, comes all the emotions. I don't think that can be helped either. There's no way to separate them. I have come to realize that with the one goes with the other. So I have to gather up strength & hope & think that no other family should have to go though this.
That your life was meant for something greater & in your memory we will continue to bring awareness, because I know that's what you would of wanted.
That is my motivator.
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We love & miss you mouse.
I'm sure you know Bella had a tough couple of days this week, missing you. Sissy had a bad day that she told me about right before Christmas & Daddy too told us how this week during his support group meeting there was a lady complaining about her daughter & how when it was his turn to speak he told her & the group how lucky she was to still have her daughter around to complain about...
Of course it wasn't meant in a bad way. He just reminded the group how even when you think you have it bad, there's always someone else out there who has it worse.
I could see the sadness in his eyes when he said this & I knew he was having a bad day missing you.
We all have our bad days my angel.
Everyday we miss you like crazy, everyday we love you to the moon. But there are days when we can't contain those feelings, they just come bursting out. Those are the "bad days".
But they are needed. Because we always feel better after a good cry. After a good talk. After a good laugh, sharing & talking of our memories with you.
This is how we go on.
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My goal is to keep writing to you too.
We still have so many memories to document, to write about, to remember. Although my heart will never forget, I don't want your sisters to either.
Maybe one day, when I'm no longer around, they will find these letters & see a glimpse into my heart. Maybe they will remember too.
We love you my beautiful girl.
I hope it's warm in Heaven.
Love always,
Mommy <3
💜💜
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