Plans

My beautiful girl,

We've made plans to visit Uncle Mikey & family at the end of the week. Tomorrow is already Wednesday, so I'll be busy preparing for the trip. I wanted to write tonight, because I don't know when I'll get the next chance...

This trip won't be the like the ones we've made in the past- our usual Fall visits in October, filled with beautiful fall scenery on the way. I'm not sure what to expect of this crazy Winter weather we've been having. Also, it's just me & your sisters. Everyone else has to work. :(

But I'm still excited to see them & meet Julian. I miss my brother & it's been way too long. And of course, I'm excited at the chance to get away, even if just for the weekend, even if there will be no Fall trees to admire.
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That's as far as we've gone as far as planning, even though this month brings birthdays for me & your sister. But this trip will be present enough. I don't make plans anymore like I used to.
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We had a little early & late bday celebration with me & Daddy this past weekend, when we went to see Chris Rock (our bday & Christmas present from Sissy :). It was so sweet of her & it was an awesome gift, because we both love him & we needed some laughs. And laugh we did.

But the only pics we got was right before we left, since we weren't allowed to use our phones during the show.



Rocky peeking in the background. :)

It was good for us baby girl.

We get so used to the routine sometimes, we forget that it's healthy to break from routine once in a while. To remember us. I'm glad Sissy remembered for us.
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Having goals & things to look forward to. I'm trying to keep this in the forefront. Somehow they are different than making plans.

To still live one day at a time.

Soon enough April & May will come & with it another great wave of grief. But I try to avoid thinking of that & only think about good things to come.
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I had another dream of you last night, which I couldn't quite all remember this morning. All I know is when I woke up to my alarm, it was from a deep deep sleep & I had a vision of a much younger you- as you normally appear in my dreams.

My little mouse. And I remember holding you. And your hair. Your beautiful hair.

The night I went out with Daddy, I thought of you as I got ready. I was alone & missing you. Imagining you there watching me as you would always do...

I decided to do something different & curl my hair. When I went down to show Bella, she said in excitement, "It looks so pretty! It looks like Hailey's mermaid hair!"

Not as pretty.

It made me smile.
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I visited you at the gardens asking that you come with us, on the trip. I know that you will if you can, in spirit, & as always, in our heart.

I asked God to watch over our loved ones that need it right now. That he protect them & keep them safe. I know that he will if he can.

I love you my angel.

I miss you everyday.

I got to hug & hold you in my dreams. That will have to suffice for now...

Until I see you again.

Some days I think how fast time flies & I don't fret because I know that time will come soon...

Other days it seems like forever. Some days nothing suffices.
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For today, it will have to be enough.

I'll go to sleep hoping to see & hold you again.

Goodnight.

Sweet dreams.

Love always,
Your mommy <3