Living in Fear

My sweet girl,

There are many in need for prayers tonight. This past week has been heartbreaking for many. :(

Valentine's Day was overshadowed by tragic events. First, there was another school shooting where 17 students- staff & teachers were killed by a lone shooter. A 19 year old male; a sick sick individual. A monster. :(

I was in tears watching the news, specially when they showed footage from inside of the school while it was happening. I imagined all the parents & families of the victims, finding out their loved ones weren't coming home that day...

It put me back to that day- that horrible day that changed our lives forever & I found it hard to breath.
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There are so many thoughts & emotions- sadness, anger, disbelief.

I can't believe we live in a world where this kind of thing happens. I know things happen- many horrible unbelievable cruel things. Like us losing you like we did. I am witness to the fact, that this world is effed up....

But this is something else altogether my angel.

It seems like we live in constant fear.

Fear of sending our kids to school. Fear of eating cancer causing foods, taking addicting medicines, drinking & swimming in contaminated water, breathing polluted air...the list goes on.

Where do we start in fixing this? Is it even possible? Is it too late? Have we gone too far off??
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It's sickening baby girl. Social media doesn't help. All people do is debate on gun control, everytime. There's no action, no ideas on what we can do to make things better. No solutions. Just more & more opinions, as if we need more of those.

With all it's people, power & wealth this country has, we can't do any better than argue, forget & move on, until it happens again. Until it happens to us. :(

We pray, we hope but more is needed.
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The other sad thing that happened is Zuli's Abuelo passed away.

We never got to meet him. We only met her Abuela when we went to visit, he had already gone back to PR. But she went back & was with him when he passed. They were married for a very long time...

Zuli, her mom & family have been in my prayers. I'm sure he has reached the same sweet Heaven you are in now my angel. I know that he will watch over them from up above just as you have watched over us.
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It made me think of my own Abuelo, whom I'm not close with, but it still made me think of him. Of how life is. Of how none of us are meant to stay forever...

My friend from Michelle from high school who recently lost her daughter to suicide has also been in my thoughts. She's having a rough time. So are her other two kids; her youngest only 2 years old, to which she cannot explain what happened to his big sis because he won't understand. The other, her other younger daughter, who was apparently best friends with her sister. They were very close in age, similar to you & Bella. Apparently she is at a breaking point. :(

I see her posts on FB and I can relate. It's taken me back to those first few months of grief & I've felt really down lately. I've reached out to her & sent her a few messages trying to help. I hope they will be ok.
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Oh my mouse. Everyone's going through something it seems like. My sis, my dad, always my mom, now Zuli & Mikey...

I know life isn't perfect, but is it really meant to be like this? So much heartache & suffering. Now to make things worse, we have to be living in fear for our lives.

I'm sorry to be such a Debbie downer my angel. But I always write from the heart & this is how I've been feeling lately.

Hopefully next time I will have something good to report.

I love & miss you. Every single day, every single moment.

I hope the Lord has opened the door for all those poor souls, I hope they fly high. I hope we will find a solution. I hope things get better for everyone...

I hope.

Love you forever,
Mommy