Flashbacks, mediums & crazy lady

My beautiful girl,

Tonight was Bella's last strings concert before school ends. I saw Kylie's mom enter the gymnasium, with a little cute brown haired boy by her side & I had a sudden flashback of you holding her baby, when you used to go play at their house.

Sure enough she sat by us & I asked her, if that was him, she said yes. He's 4 now. I forgot to ask her his name, but I heard her call him Christopher.

When you & Kylie became friends, I remember you would ask me so excitedly, to play at their house after school, "Mommy, can I pleeeease go to Kylie's house. I want to play with her baby brother. He's so cute!"

When you'd come back, I'd ask, "So what did you do the whole time?" "I held her baby brother & played with him. He's so cute." I'd ask again, "The whole entire time?" "Yes" you would respond, with a smile.

Once I remember I went to pick you up from her house & there you were, carting that little boy around on your hip like he was yours. Of course I wasn't surprised. I remember he had blondish hair then. Now he'll be starting kindergarten next year her mom says...

She remembered too my mouse. She smiled & said how she thinks of us often. Asked us how we are.

It was nice to see her again. I didn't see Kylie but I see her in the neighborhood from time to time. I smile at her, but we don't talk. I think she's shy or maybe doesn't know what to say. I understand.
...

Having this little flashback almost brought me to tears in the middle of Bella's concert. Like a crazy person, I had a sudden urge to grab Christopher & give him a big squeeze.... :*(

Oh how my heart still aches my mouse.

My little baby lover. <3
...

How I wish you were here for me to give you a big squeeze. To share all these moments, these new memories with us.

I know deep down inside you are still a part of us & that you are here in your own way. I have to remember this...

As you know because I told you at the gardens, this Sunday Alina & I are going to be part of a group session with a medium.

I believe her name is Melanie. This is the same one she went to see last year after her birthday party- the same one that not only mentioned her birthday but said your name.

Auntie Alina has been trying to get me to go the past 2 years & I think I was just scared at first, of hearing something that might do more damage than good...scared that she might be fake or that I would hear something I didn't want to hear...I don't know my angel.

But Alina took her time in researching mediums to find the right one, then after she told me what happened last year, I agreed to go with her this time.

I'm looking forward to it, but I won't get my hopes up, just in case. I won't have any expectations. I will trust in my faith, in believing that if there was anyway of you reaching out, sending messages or signs, you will- through the help of God....just like you have done in the past through our Haileyflies, rainbows & other signs. <3

Which by the way, I saw my first Haileyfly up close yesterday when I was grilling at papi's. :)

Beautiful orange monarch that fluttered by the back yard long enough for me to notice it. I think there was too much smoke coming from the grill for it to stick around...

Also we had a real bad rainstorm that came through Monday & afterwards the sky was real orange, then pink, then purple...I knew there was a rainbow somewhere but we couldn't see it from where we were...

I insisted to Sissy that I knew that a rainbow was near. I even went outside barefoot while it was still lightly raining to look, but it was too dark to tell. I'm sure your sister was thinking, "My mom is a crazy lady." She had the look of thinking it, but not wanting to say it.

But sure enough the next day, there were pictures of a beautiful double rainbow posted all over Facebook.
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I guess I am a crazy lady, my mouse. For searching for Haileyflies & rainbows. For wanting to squeeze little boys...for paying to go see a stranger in hopes she can relay a message from you- from the other side.

But it's more like... I just miss you.

So much that I search for anything that's connected to you.

Any little thing that may lead me towards you. Even though I know I probably don't need to reach far...
...

I love you Hailey.

So much baby girl. Everyday.

Forever & ever,
Your mommy <3