Part two

Change is hard my angel.

God knows I should be an expert by now. How many times have we moved? How many times have our lives been turned upside down?

This move has been the hardest- even harder than the time Daddy & I separated. :(

But change can be good too. I hope that’s the case here too. I hope this is for the best. Even though I was starting to regret it almost from day 1. Daddy’s car broke down week one, then the washer leaked water all over the carpets downstairs, week 2. Last week I was at my wits end. I even snapped at Uncle Chris when they came to drop Bella off. I know he was only trying to help, but at the time it seemed like him trying to help was only making thing worse...

Plus I was just frustrated & tired. Thank God for family though, in the end we talk it out & work things out & we move on.
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Now it’s just unpacking & settling in. Hopefully no more surprises.

Hopefully we’ll hsve a housewarming dinner & invite our family & friends.
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But there’s more stuff happening in the background too babygirl. With our family, my mom especially...I’m sure you know.

I think that definitely added the extra stress too these last few weeks. Auntie has been more involved & helping out, which I appreciate but I don’t want her to get sick with stress either.

Oh my angel, things are tough all over. It seems like for every good thing that happens, two more bad things follow. I told you all of this at the gardens, but I feel better writing it down too.

I pray for guidance & strength. That is all we can ask for.
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I miss you mouse.

Today I got a call from a mom who was making an appointment for her 14 year old daughter. Even though those calls don’t cause me anxiety attacks anymore, they still make me sad & jealous.

Why I asked. Why does this lady get to make an appointment for her 14 year old & I can’t? What would my 14 year old look like? How would she act & what kinds of things would she like by now? I’ll never know.

These are the kinds of thoughts that sneak in from time to time, unexpectedly. Unwanted. Unwelcome. But they do. And they linger, even when I try to distinguish them from my brain. :(
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I love you to the moon, around the universe & back. My beautiful girl.

Today & forever,
Your mommy