It feels like forever baby girl...
It's already August. Not sure what happened to our summer, but it just flew by. The move took up our first half- hopefully we'll get a chance to squeeze in a few days of fun at least for the second half.
Things are coming together slowly but surely. The basement is the only thing we have to clear out & fix up now. These past two weekends Daddy & I have worked on the front & back yards & even though it was hard grueling work, I actually found myself happy for the first time in a long time.
Happy that it's finally to start to feel like home. Happy that Daddy & I are working on something together, as a team. That we are striving & trying for the same things...a loving happy healthy home; for the first time in a long time.
This life is so crazy baby girl. The things (the hell) that we have to go through to get to a comfortable, safe place....it's amazing. Scary and unfair at times. I just pray & pray that it continues on this path. It's so easy to veer off the path, I know this too well. So many times we have experienced it. So many times we need to be reminded of what our end goal is, forced to see it's worth.
Nothing comes easy.
And even though it's never going to feel complete again, we are trying our best to just not be broken.
...
For one, your mommy has reminders of you all over the house. It eases my heart to feel you around me all the time.
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| Our sun room. <3 |
Every time I see an angel or a butterfly, I have to buy it. But after this move, with all the packing & unpacking...I swore I would never buy anything else!
...
We miss you my mouse.
Right beside me, as I write, your room sits next to mine. Your purple lights hanging on the window frame. Your babies, stuffed animals, picture frames, decorations, all within feet of me. It makes me feel closer to you. Just like the other house, on the days & nights I miss you the most- I grab your pillow sheet or something of yours & I hold or hug it tightly.
The picture of you & Isabelle (your bestie) that was on your nightstand, I placed on a shelf along with another framed picture of you & your friends.
Since we moved, I've had a feeling that I should tell her we moved. I've had her in my thoughts. This morning I woke up with an overwhelming urge to check on her. It's like you were telling me I should.
I haven't been on Instagram so much lately, so I went there first. And there it was- the same picture of you & her that you had on your nightstand.
She posted it on her story with the caption: "My sweet angel, I miss you." <3
It warmed my heart baby girl, & as surprised as I should be by the coincidence, I really wasn't.
What are the chances that you knew your sweet friend was thinking of you & missing you & I woke up with this overwhelming urge to check on her, to tell her you miss & love her too? That we do too?
I can't explain it. But I tried when I messaged her. She was glad to hear from me, & said she gets signs from you too & knows you are with her all the time. That she thinks of you everyday. <3
Oh it really filled my heart, my angel.
It always does, to know that your beautiful friends remember you. But how could they not? I know it's silly to think they would forget- but just to hear it...
I mentioned her starting high school soon, that I know she'll do great & that you'll always be by her side. I know you will.
...
There's so much more to write about baby girl, that I won't try to write about tonight. Other things I have on my mind, that are worry me. I'm pretty sure you know what they are.
I've prayed God give us strength to help us face our troubles. I've prayed that he especially protect my mom during this difficult time, that he help guide us for answers.
I will have faith that we do. That is all we can do, for now.
I love & miss you Hailey.
My beautiful girl. Every single day of my life.
Until I see you again, and even after then...until infinity.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. Daddy just walked in & said to tell you he loves you & good night & he can't wait. <3
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