Winding down

My sweet Hailey,

This summer is winding down so quickly. Many stores already have Halloween decorations up. Normally I would gladly welcome Fall, since it's my favorite time of year. But this year feels different...

I guess because of our move, but I think what affected me too was finding the part of your "All About Me" book...where you said Summer & Spring are your favorite seasons. It just reminded me of all our Summers & Springs- Spring of course always reminds me of you because of your birthday.

I think the nostalgia of recalling all those memories, made me kind of stuck there. Not wanting to jump into Fall just yet.

Plus, I just started to see a bunch of Haileyflies everywhere we go. <3

...

Your sisters have one day left before going back to school, baby girl. Of course this has been on my mind too. I had a big wave of grief crash over me the day before yesterday, after we went to Bella's orientation. It was after that, & having a "conversation" with my uncle regarding the current situation with my mom. It brought back the trip to Bolivia & everything with my mom...

It's hard my angel. It sucks the life out of me. It brings me to this low low place & it takes everything I have to try & make my way back up... :(

You should be starting high school this year.

I guess no matter what, it's always going to feel like this. Every year, every milestone you miss. It breaks me in half, into millions of little pieces & there's nothing I can do but let myself grieve.
...

I'm lucky to have our family that understands & gives me space when I need it, is there what I need them too...I'm so lucky baby girl.

Tomorrow I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy the last day with your sisters. Of course we're going to visit you at the gardens & drop off some flowers to wish you luck on your first day of high school in Heaven. <3

I'm going to try because I can hear your voice telling me to- telling me to get some sun, to enjoy it for the both of us. So I am my beautiful girl. Thank you for always reminding & guiding me.

I love & miss you with all my heart.

Forever & ever,
Your mommy <3