Part 1

My mouse,

Saw this picture & it reminded me of you, down to the violin you used to play. <3

This week was a long week, but we survived babygirl. After a bad weekend of grief anticipating back to school, I was ok enough to work Monday all the way through. It probably helped that it really hit me hard the day before instead of the day of this time...

Oh my sweet angel.

We do what we can to keep going, with the help of our loved ones. I got a few messages & texts that made my heart happy including one from Dom’s mom & his purple football shoes he ordered in memory of you. <3 These things may seem like simple kind gestures but they are really huge life saving gifts from the heart. There are angels among us babygirl, I believe that God sends them to us when we need them the most.
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I’m so proud of your sisters. The first week was nerve wrecking & chaotic for them, but even so they survived & did ok.

It’s hard to believe it’s Sissy’s last year & Bella in 7th grade. Thinking of colleges & the future...it’s scary to think about sometimes. I was never scared of change before babygirl, but I guess when it comes to your sisters- that’s a different story. I was never scared or worried for myself, looking at things as an adventure. That was back then, when your mom was young & perhaps naive.

Time & life itself has a way of changing things though. Even though deep down I know we survived something so horrible....losing you. :( still trying to survive & overcome.

But I’ve met too many in this new life, this new journey; that have been through what we have & worse. Hard to believe but true, like not just one child but two. :(

Oh my mouse, it’s too sad to even think about. Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of now, is life itself. Now that I know what it’s capable of. :(
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I try to get these thoughts out of head & be grateful for what we do have. To honor your sweet soul & be a better person, to live a better more meaningful life. Everyday I try.

But life doesn’t make it easy. You probably know that my grandpa passed away last week. So many mixed emotions & so much that goes with this my angel- a longer letter for another time. But now we have our mom to worry about. She has no where to go now & this is where I’ll have to put my time & energy now.

I pray my angel. I pray & pray for guidance & strength. We will definitely be needing it.

I wish for times of true happiness & peace, for once... but I’m starting to think that’s only in movies or books...fantasy. Reality is so different. Our time on earth is do trying...maybe the only time we’ll truly find peace & happiness is when we