Fourth

My little girl,

Days are flying by.

Sissy's birthday & now Turkey day have passed & gone. Some of our neighbors have had their Christmas trees up since right after Halloween. It seems that while some of us are wanting to slow down time...others are eager to fast forward.

On the other hand, Bella has been playing Christmas music since July. :)

Your sisters are eager for Christmas & their spirit rubs off on me. But one thing at a time, one day a time.
...

Bella made a half chocolate, half coconut icing cake for Sissy & the family came over to sing Happy Birthday to her. Then the next day, yesterday they came over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Our first in our new home. Our fourth without you.

It's still so hard to believe baby girl.

Those were my thoughts on the way to see you at the gardens yesterday morning. Our fourth without you...

How?

Each year I miss you more. Each day, each hour, each minute....further away from your hugs, your laugh, your smile.

Yet I feel you close to me. I keep you so close.

So close that your face was the first thing I saw yesterday morning, waking from a dream. I had a vision of you as a baby, wearing a long sleeve purple shirt, jeans...

Your hair was in pigtails & your curls were sticking out from underneath. You were sitting on a counter, facing away, then you turned your head to look at me, smiling from ear to ear. So cute baby girl, just like when you were little, chubby cheeks & all. It was so real...

How I wanted to pick you up & hug you tight.

Always with me, always in my heart. <3
...

It was nice having the family over baby girl.

It feels like it's been so long since I've seen them. Of course we were missing Uncle Mikey & family, but other than that it was just us. Papi & the kids, Auntie & the boys. And it was nice.

I was so thankful to have them here, close.

I pray so much for our healing, their healing, their health & happiness. I worry so much about all of them- my sis, my bro, my dad & mom.

I'm thankful but I worry.
...

This year is coming to an end so quickly my mouse.

Another year.

I miss you & love you so much.

Forever & ever,
Your mommy  <3