Seattle

Babygirl,

I was hoping to share some pictures with you of our trip, but for some reason it’s taking a long time to download...

But I know you don’t need to see them, because you were close.

For Sissy’s 18th birthday coming up, we gave her a choice of having a big bash with friends & family or go on her graduation trip now instead of next summer. So she picked a trip to Seattle. :)

At first, it was just going to be me & her, but at the end I was able to get a good deal for the 4 of us, going a couple weeks ahead of Thanksgiving & we were able to get the time off, the girls only missed a day of school, so it all worked out.

With the holidays approaching, I thought it would nice if we could all go away somewhere too. That was our wish last year, but it didn’t happen. We’ve been fortunate with Daddy’s job & who knows what next year will bring, so we decided to go for it.

This was our last hurrah for a while. I hate to sound negative or attract bad energy but I can’t shake this pending feeling of doom, like I’m waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

But I forced myself to try & erase all that from my mind & for Sissy’s sake, to enjoy the trip & our time together.

It was really cool babygirl. We got to see mostly the city & not much else, for just the weekend that we were there, but we jam packed it with as much things possible.
...

You have to know how much we missed you.

How often we talked about you. How it’s still so hard to plan, pack & get on a plane & not think of you...

Then there was the first rainbow we saw from the sky, directly outside the window from our airplane. Then our first night there, while having dinner, us sitting there reminiscing of the past, talking about you, laughing while remembering your sassiness, craziness & your sense of humor. When all of a sudden your song comes on in the restaurant: Over the rainbow. The very same version from your service. We all had our mouths open! And my tears just started to fall.

Sissy smiled. She said, “It’s mouse. She’s letting us know she’s here, she’s here for my birthday.” <3
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The timing couldn’t of been better my angel.

It’s as if you were reminding us that it was ok to have been there-the trip, the whole thing. That not only was it ok, but that you were there with us.

It made it all extra special after that.
...

Our last day there was another rainbow by a lake we drove to; Lake Washington. There I saw a heart shaped tree too & I could feel you all around me. I took a walk around the lake by myself & just soaked it all in babygirl. I needed that moment alone, to feel close to you.

Those are some of the moments from the trip that I don’t want to forget. Of course there was the museums, the Space Needle, Pike Place, Jimi Hendrix’s grave!, the food...

But these little moments too, my girl, I’m always searching for you..

No matter where life takes us. I’m always searching for you, then I get or see a sign that reminds me, I never have to search far.  Because you’re here, with me. With every breath. Every beat of my heart.

Always. Always & forever.

Your mommy