Memory

Dear baby girl,

Today I wasn’t feeling too hot. Had KFC last night & my stomach was killing me all night. Today I had virus symptoms, temp, chills,nausea, hot flashes...not fun.

Missed Natalia’s 11th birthday party- you know your mom must of really been sick to miss that. But I got some much needed rest, now I can’t sleep.

I have brushed my teeth three times, gargled & everything & I can still taste the chicken, gross! So pretty sure it was that. Anyway my mouse, it reminded me of the time you got sick after eating their Mac n cheese. You must of been like 3 or 4 years old, we had recently moved to the Bristow house. Mac n cheese was one of your favorites. We had just eaten there & went directly to Target to do some shopping. You were sitting in front, where kids are supposed to sit (that rarely happened because you hated being restricted to sitting, you’d cry for me to put you down so you could run around & knock stuff down in the aisles). We had the cart full of stuff & getting ready to leave when you suddenly turned your head & threw up everywhere! Mac n cheese all over the cart, you, me & you started to howl so loud an employee came over. I remember the look on his face when he saw the puke.

He was so nice though, I stood frozen, didn’t know what to do. He said, “Go ahead mam, I’ll take care of this. Go clean your child in the bathroom.” I thanked him & picked you up & ran! Oh you were so mad. :(

You didn’t eat that Mac n cheese for years. It took you so long to get over it, as little as you were you remembered it was KFC. Definitely no more KFC.

Things I can laugh about now. Things I went through with you girls. Another time almost getting into a fight with this lady at the same Target because you were throwing one of your epic tantrums. I think she thought I was beating you. She was making comments to her daughter in front of me, maybe thinking I was deaf or didn’t speak English. She soon learned she was wrong. But we had to leave because you would not let down.

You were feisty even then. :) My tiny mouse.
...

Oh babygirl.

Thought about so much today. Natalia turning 11, you were just two weeks away from your 11th. I saw her yesterday and was looking at her thinking how much taller you were. How you would carry her on your hip as little as you were.

Everyone’s growing up. But you will forever stay 10. :(

Today was also st. Patty’s day. At one point I wanted to get some air, so I took a car ride with Daddy to see you at the gardens. Left some St Patty’s roses for you. Also we wanted to go mulch your tree at the school. Your’s & Conner’s. <3

Also left a few windmills & solar light flowers. Your tree got so tall!

...

One day at a time my angel. That is all we could do. My mind is full of thoughts tonight but I will just end with this one. How much we love & miss you. Everyday. Some days I am so full of hope, others I’m just so tired. But I’m trying. We all are- for you. <3

Goodnight my sweet girl.
I hope to see you in my dreams again. Like the other morning, which I have to write about too. Such a special gift to see you again, to feel you in my arms.

I always get the feeling that you miss me too. <3

I’m always here, ok?

Always always,
Mommy