Missing you

My dear Hailey Mouse,

Two weeks ago today, you left us.  It feels like a thousand years have passed since then. Since I stood by your hospital bed, and watched you slowly die. The memory of you laying there, both of us helpless, will never leave me. It will haunt me & hurt me forever.

I'm still trying baby girl, to understand why & how this happened. It wasn't supposed to happen. I was going to be your mommy forever. I was going to take care of you, and watch you grow, get married, have babies, become a teacher...or whatever it was that you were going to be. As long you were safe & happy, is all I ever wanted for all three of you. My only job was to take care of you, and even though I tried my best, I still feel like I failed you somehow.

Maybe as they say, it was not meant to be. That this was all part of a bigger plan. So instead, I'm left with just your memories. Sweet, sweet memories to fill the hole in my heart...

You were, and still are the love & light in all our lives. I feel your spirit within us. I know you're watching over us, and I'm sorry that I'm crying. I'm sorry if you see me hurting. I just miss you, that's all. I miss your laughter, your smile, you cuddling next to me & the fruity smell of your hair. I'm still just trying to accept it, to believe it. I don't know that I ever will. Only time will tell.

I don't want to let you down, so I will stop this letter now. I promise you, that I will try to be strong. The strong person everyone thinks I am, & expects me to be. For you, Daddy & your sisters, and for myself too.

I love you so much. Forever & ever..

To the moon, around the universe, & back,

Forever your mommy. <3