Your running club is sponsoring a donation drive in your honor. I spent most of the day looking for dimes through my many change purses. I still have to go through your dad's coin container & will ask your sisters if they want to contribute. We'll check under the couch, everywhere, and find every last one. :)
Both your running coaches came to the service and brought you this. It has a picture of all the girls in your group on the back, all holding their hands up in the shape of a heart. We were all very touched. I know you would of loved it. See how much you are loved?
I admit baby girl, I was the first to have mixed feelings about your running club. You had just joined a couple weeks before our trip to Bolivia. Around the same time, we started to exercise almost everyday at home. You were drinking water more frequently. I noticed it was more than usual, but just related it to all the running and exercising.
Once we got to Bolivia, you had other symptoms, which we thought was just altitude sickness. That third morning of our trip, I woke up knowing you had something more. At the hospital, once your urine & blood results came back with high blood sugar, the doctor asked me a bunch of questions. "Was there anything you noticed before the trip? Anything unusual?" Yes, I answered. Just that you were thirstier and leaner than usual...
I can't tell you how many times I blamed myself, the running club, our stupid exercising, and the trip to your death baby girl. I know it's the wrong thing to do. I'm sorry. I was just so much in despair, with no answers to my questions. I still am sometimes. I just rationalized that if it wasn't for the trip occupying my mind, if it wasn't for the running, the workouts, that I would of been more alert to your symptoms. I would of taken you to the doctor sooner. I could have saved your life...
I've been told I shouldn't think or say things like that. That Daddy and I are good parents. The doctor said it would of happened eventually, either here or there. I know it's not fair to blame anyone baby.
If we start doing that, that we will start hating ourselves, everything & everyone. I don't have the energy to do that. I don't want to be that. It goes against everything we tried to teach you & what we stand for.
You loved the running club, and they love you. Every time I picked you up, you would be glowing from the running & the knowledge you gained by your wonderful coaches & teachers. You said it wasn't just about the running. This just proves it baby girl. They are more than that & I'm thankful you were part of something you loved. It's no one's fault.
I hope you're running laps around the angels in heaven.
I love you. I miss you always.
Forever your Mommy <3
**UPDATE**
We collected so many dimes between me, Daddy, sissy & even Bella. We even included a check, and asked them to include the money for the field trip to Baltimore Aquarium we had paid in advance. Let's hope for a cure my beautiful girl.
Such an amazing group of young ladies and moms! I am happy that Hailey found such a fulfilling activity that filled her heart. I think you're absolutely right about everything you said. That is everything you and your beautiful family are not. Always remember that. This is absolutely no ones fault. Because of Hailey, awareness had reached so many souls. I know this doesn't remedy the pain, I know that we all can't wrap our heads and rationalize something that came out of nowhere. This is something we will live with forever. But not even once have anyone of us thought that there could've been something done differently. We just wish we could've had the hindsight. An indication somehow. This is when I think about how well-care visits should incorporate these checks and include the test, especially with the statistics. Perhaps working to make this happen would be a way to honor Hailey's legacy and the imprint that she made on all of the countless people who were lucky to have known her. The anger can suck you in. Anger and darkness go hand in hand. Hailey is a light of joy. The only thing that can drive out darkness is light.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder sis. love u
ReplyDeleteAlways have your back. We all love all of you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful tribute to Hailey, she has touched so many people and she glows when she reads her letters! You are a great mom, you and Rick are awesome parents, never doubt, just look around you, you have Kayla and Bella. Your girls had to experience something we all can not imagine...but they get their strength from you, vanny...! The kids have a endocrinologist visit on June 3, I am very nervous...Tiziano drinks a whole lot of water....he never wants anything else! So I pray, I pray for you, Hailey and my kids and hope that NOW that we know that this is something genetic within the family we will all be checked! Thank you Hailey, you have opened our eyes to something we really were not aware of! Love you prima...
ReplyDeleteI pray the kids are healthy, glad you are having them checked. I'm having both checked too. Ricardo is the same way about not eating and just drinking, and not even water just juice. They are also getting checked here. Love you. Keep us updated!
ReplyDelete