Grief

Dear Hailey Mouse,

The first few mornings Daddy and I woke up after you passed, we both cried (sobbed). Daddy slept with your beloved pillow sheet wrapped around his arm. It used to be that mornings were the worst, because for a split second, we woke up thinking it was all a horrible nightmare. Then it hit us, that this horrible nightmare actually happened. Now, not just the mornings are hard. It's all the time...

We were so much in shock & disbelief the first couple of weeks. We were so consumed with trying to get you home. The pain was so unreal, it made us numb. Then we finally got you home, surrounded by family & friends. Finally, we had your beautiful service. Finally, we felt a little sense of peace & relief. Finally, you are resting. Finally...you are with the angels.

Here at home though, you are everywhere. I see & feel you in every room. I hear your voice & your laugh. Not just here at home, I think of you all the time, everywhere I go. Going for a walk yesterday, there you were riding your bike ahead of me, then waiting for me to catch up once you reached the corner.

At the grocery store, there you were twirling around the aisles picking out your favorite snacks. I heard your voice, "Mommy, can I PLEEASE get this?" In the mornings, while I sip my coffee watching the news. I wait for you to come down the stairs with your bed head, eyes half opened & sweet morning breath..."Good morning Mommy", walking over giving me a big bear hug.

You're there when I pick your sister up from school. In the sun, stars, moon, rain. You're there, but you are not there. It's finally, slowly, painfully, sinking in that you are not here. That you're never coming back. It hurts so bad baby girl. It hurts so bad that sometimes I can't breath. Like I've been hit in the chest & had the wind knocked out of me. I keep waiting for you to reappear. To at least see you in my dreams...

I have to stop & remind myself that I will see you one day. One day we will reunite in heaven, I know. Even though it seems like too long of a wait. Until then, if you can, please come see me in my dreams my mouse. Just to let me know you're okay, to relieve some of this pain. I miss you.

Love you.

Forever and ever,

Forever your mommy.