Grandmom, Pop Pop & the girls just left back to Jersey. They were only here for 2 days, but I'm glad they came to visit. We needed to see them, & they needed to see us.
We took them to see your tree at school, & then you at gardens. It was very emotional. They haven't been since the burial. We all huddled around your grave, hugging each other & talking to you. Telling you how much we love & miss you. Grandmom told Camryn it's ok to cry & she did. :( We all did.
Grandmom said even though it was sad, she's still glad she came to see us & you. You know them, they brought ribs, macaroni & cheese, green beans & per my request: chocolate pie. Pop Pop woke up at 5 am the day they left to make it just for us (me:). He was wearing his new purple baseball cap. Grandmom said he was so excited when he found it.
Yesterday, we took the girls to the pool. We saw Skylar, your friend from school that used to text you all the time. She was wearing your purple live strong bracelet. She played with Bella for a while, & then put Abby (your other classmate) on Face-time so she could say hi to me. Sweet girls.
Sydney asked me to take a picture of them together. They left a space for you. Sorry, I had to blur their faces (Aunt Dee Dee doesn't like to have their pics on the internet). But I know you were there, close by, hanging out with your cousins...
Today when they said goodbye, they gave each other a group hug, leaving room for you in the middle...
We are all learning...or trying to learn how to live without you baby girl, physically. But mentally, & in our hearts, we carry you everywhere we go. It's not the same, I admit. The house is just a bit quieter, just a bit sadder, just a bit less fun without you. But I know the girls still love each other. They still need each other, now more than ever. But it still hurts, that their partner in crime is missing.
Yesterday, a big storm blew right through. We looked for a rainbow afterwards, but the skies stayed dark until just before sunset, then they were a dark purple. Bella came upstairs & noticed it right outside my bedroom window. I always have the blinds open so I can look at the night sky before bed. Of course we thought of you...
The sky wasn't anything quite like this pic, but this morning Chrissy posted this to your Facebook page:
My neighbor took this picture of the sky tonight and when I saw it I thought of Hailey. It's so beautiful, just like her.
See, my beautiful girl. We are always thinking of you. As I was looking at your grave today, I was picturing you running around, always happy, always active the way you were. I picture you the same in heaven, with your hair bouncing around in a ponytail. I picture you behind these purple skies, with your purple wand making this kind of magic happen.
The nurse that's retiring, who also lost her daughter a while ago introduced me to her two sons & husband today at work. We had a pot luck going away party for her. She hugged me & then held my hands & said, "I want you to look at them, & me, & know that we survived. If we could survive, you will too." She also went on to say that about 85% of married couples who lose a child end up in divorce, but they are one of the 15% that didn't. She said, "I know you and your husband will be part of the 15% too." I thanked her. It means a lot to hear it from someone who's been through it.
She was wearing a purple dress. Her son a purple tie. I told her it was your favorite color.
Purple skies. Pop pop's purple hat. Purple bracelets. Our purple flowers we planted in the garden. Your purple flowers on your grave.
It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my fave books; The Color Purple:
I do notice it now baby. Everywhere I go. Everything I do. I will always think of you.
Love you my purple butterfly.
Always & forever.
Forever your mommy. <3
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