Shining Star

My beautiful girl,

Uncle Chris & your cousins are here spending the night. They arrived this morning, and will be leaving sometime tomorrow, taking your sisters up to Jersey for a week.

We just came back from a walk to watch the sunset, picked the purple wildflowers on the side of the road that I always pass on the way to work, and looked for your star in the sky. Even in the cloudiest, muggiest of days, it's always there shining the brightest of them all. Uncle Mikey said it's actually the planet Venus.

I read somewhere there is a star registry where you can purchase a star & name it, and they send you a telescope with a map, so you can always keep track of it. I told the girls I want to do that for you. In the meantime, when we look for Venus, we will always think of you.

It was the star, right above the moon, that was shining bright the night of your service in Bolivia. This picture was taken from the doorway of the parlor of the funeral home, where you lay resting in your beautiful white coffin.

We all saw it upon entering & leaving the parlor, and immediately said it was you. I've had the picture in my camera since then but haven't had to look at it, because it's embedded in my mind forever. When I look up at the sky & see the star (or Venus), it's that night it reminds me of. One of the saddest of my life...

But it also reminds me that you are always there, at the end of the day guiding & watching us...

 

It was a beautiful service baby, with beautiful flowers, and a priest that was all arranged by my mom's family. Even them, who knew you for just two days, knew you deserved the best. You looked so beautiful and peaceful, a true angel...my angel. <3

I'm going to miss your sisters. At first I didn't want them to go, but I also don't want them to miss out on having some fun this summer. After all, you girls went every summer. It's become a tradition now, but this time, the first time without you. The girls all said it won't be the same, but it would be sadder if they didn't go at all. I know regardless, you are always included in their plans, because they are always thinking of you...

Uncle Chris made a yummy fettuccini Alfredo with grilled chicken tonight for dinner, with corn & buttered toasted bread topped with fresh mozzarella. He did this, after driving all morning from Jersey. Then he plans to drop the girls off, after spending all week entertaining them. He is one of a kind. They have plans to see Nanny too, at a barbeque they're having in her building. I know grandma & Pop Pop will me spoiling them too. Aunt Didi too, always showing them love. They are best. How did we get so lucky?

So I'll understand if you rather hang around your sisters this week, and not miss out on all the fun. As for me mouse, I'm going to try and just keep busy. But try and come by and check on me every once in a while, ok? I already made some plans to catch up with friends & so forth. Daddy has to work, but has Sunday off. Hopefully, we can squeeze in a date night one night. It would be nice after all it's been a while.

I love you baby girl. Everyday I close my eyes and picture that beautiful smile, and try to remember the reasons behind it. You were such a happy loving girl. My sweet daughter, who loved life. Whom everyone loved.... and still loves.

You're free & pure spirit was contagious. You showed me how to not stress out too much & just laugh. I will remember that always. My funny girl. I could never stay mad at you for long, because you'd make a face & have me cracking up in the middle of lecturing you....

Thank you for teaching me all those things, my sweet Hailey.

Smiling for back to school 2014.

You will always be my shining star.
My beautiful sweet girl.
I love and miss you forever.
I wish I could hug and hold you.

Keep smiling, ok?

I'll see you in my dreams.

Forever & ever, your mommy. <3