This is a little wind chime Auntie gave me a long time ago. I think it was a birthday gift. This and another one that's about "sisters". I always liked them both, specially the messages on them. So much that in every place we've lived, I always hung them up on the walls of you & Bella's bedroom.
Once we moved here & you both got your own bedroom, this one went on your wall & Bella got the sisters one. They still hang there today....
I was in your room one day & it caught my eye. I had forgotten all about it. Forgotten all about the message. I took a picture of it because I knew I'd want to write about it one day....
Reading it, there hanging on your wall, I stood frozen in time, just reading it over & over. Remembering the day we decorated your room & hung it up, because we thought it was pretty & cute, with a nice message. Just like we hung an angel & a dream catcher by each of your beds (you & your sisters), thinking it would bring you good luck & keep you protected.
I stood there, wondering how much truth there is behind it. Finding it ironic...that it happened to be in your room. Catching my eye, on a day when I felt so lost. On a day when I was desperately looking for answers.
I know we'll never find any real answers baby girl. It's a really hard thing to deal with. We look for guidance instead in therapy, books, in each other, anything we can grasp to make it a little bit easier. Even then, sometimes nothing makes sense.
Then it happens, every now & then...something is said or a memory recalled. Random things we've picked up on, since you passed. I don't know what to call them; signs or coincidences, but they are all somehow connected to your passing. :(
They all seem to lead in the direction of the same message...
That it's no one's "fault" that this happened. That maybe it even was already even "pre-planned"....
I try not to overthink things. I try not to torture myself with the what if's & why's. But sometimes, some things just jump out at me. Things like this wind chime.
The others; I've made a mental list of them all. Maybe for another letter, another time....
For now, they just serve as a reminder, a message that....planned or not, maybe God doesn't promise a life of perfection. That bad things do happen in this world...and maybe for a reason. That it is unfair. But maybe more unfair to blame anyone, Him or myself...
A reminder, that Love will prevail.
The same love that brought you into this world.
The same love that raised you.
Kissed your boo-boos.
Fed you, bathed you, clothed you.
Sacrificed for you.
Watched you grow for 10 years...
The same love that will give us strength to live the remainder of our lives without you, but always for you.
My promise to you baby, is that I will try to do so...we all will.
You were & always will be our precious angel.
That will never change.
If there was something we could of done, we would have.
I love you to the moon & back baby girl.
I miss you everyday.
Always & forever,
Your mommy. <3
💜💜💜
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