It's late, I'm tired & I have to be up early for work tomorrow so I can't write much. I just wanted to let you know how much we miss you. Always thinking of you...
I can't stop wishing to hold you just once more. I have to accept that it's not possible right now, but the day I do once more, I will never again have to let you go.
Good things and bad things are happening all at once. I'm worried, scared, disappointed, hurt, relieved & numb all at once. I just keep looking for your signs to guide me. To show me the right way. Today might of decided our future, for your sisters & I. A future of uncertainty...
It keeps me up at night worrying. I've have been down this road before however, stupidly & have made it to the other side. So I know the way. I'm not completely blinded. I'm even more equipped than the last time you could say, at least with more experience.
But it doesn't hurt any less. In fact it hurts more because it's the worst timing ever. Right after losing you. Right when I feel my weakest, my most vulnerable...
I'm writing this to let you know that it's going to be alright. To write you these words, to tell your sisters too makes me believe it. It reassures me that it has to be true. And I feel better.
I love you my sweet angel. You've always been my light, my strength, my sunshine. Just as you are now. Just as your sisters are, keeping me grounded & strong. I refuse to give up.
Sweet dreams my mouse.
Say a little prayer for us.
Forever, your mommy <3
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