The start of this month has brought us much rain, with more to come this weekend. It went from rainy warm humid days to cold gloomy rainy days & nights.
This time this year we would of been planning our annual Fall trip to Tennessee to see Uncle Mikey, Zulen & Joshua. We discovered after a couple of visits between Summer & Fall, that the best time to visit is mid-October, when the autumn colored trees along interstate 81 are at their peak; blazing different shades of bright reds, yellows & oranges. With beautiful scenic views for miles of mountains, hills, valleys & farm lands...and those trees!
It was our absolute favorite road trip to make every year. We didn't even mind the 10 + hour drive because our excitement to see them would last the whole trip through. You'd spend the first couple of hours pointing out the all cows & horsies in the pastures along the way. Then you'd get right to your activity bag & snacks & patiently sit & play with your sisters. We'd break up the drive mid-trip sometimes (when mommy's old back was acting up) & stay in the Econo Lodge there by Virginia Tech.
That was our place to stop, until the year before last, when we saw roaches in the room & drove another 2 hours in the middle of the night, with Papi following to find another hotel...then Abuelita thought she left her purse in the one of the bathroom rest stops- realizing a few miles after we left the rest stop. :) Such good memories, my mouse.
You girls looked forward to it every year. We all did. Daddy even went for the first time last year...
Now things are so different. Besides the fact that I have no vacation time left for any trips right now...I don't know if we would of been able to go without you. I just imagine you & your sisters packing days before the trip in excitement; your activity bags & snacks, your beloved 'pillow sheet' for the car ride...the look of happiness & anticipation in your face...and it breaks my heart.
How you would go straight to Joshua & be his mommy for the next few days. Playing with Max & Sansa & fighting with Bella about who's turn it was to walk them. Then, crying your eyes out when it was time to leave. Crying all the way home & even days after....Bella of course would copy you & cry too. Needless to say, the ride back home was much different.
I would say, "Hailey, honey, don't be sad & think about the fact that we're leaving. Be happy & think about the time we spent together, be glad that we got to see them."
Isn't it ironic honey? I think about that...pertaining to you. I shouldn't be sad & think about the fact that you left. I should be happy about all the time we got to spend with you, the fact that you were part of our lives & that I was, still am, & always will be... your mommy.
I will try, I promise to try to remember this. Even though as much as I try sometimes....I can't stop myself from crying either my sweet girl. I remember you & your sister, a clear memory of you both clinging to Uncle Mikey in his driveway, crying & not wanting to let go....
That is how I feel all the time about you. I don't ever want to let go...
I love you so much my sweet girl.
I hope that next year we can make the trip & make more memories. I know you will be with us. In the cool fall breeze, among the beautiful autumn trees....across the mountain tops & skies of blue.
I know you will be by your sisters in the car too, drawing, reading or playing on your Nintendo DS, sleeping with your pillow sheet, counting down the hours to Uncle Mikey's house....
We miss you so much our angel.
Love you, forever & ever,
Your mommy
~Happy Memories~
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| First trip at a rest stop |
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| The year Joshua was born. |
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| Another rest stop by the mountains |
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| Family road trip. |
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| Downtown Chattanooga |
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| The year we got Joshua Thomas the Train tracks :) |
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Favorite playground  |
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| Last year- Ruby Falls, TN. |
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| Ruby Falls, under purple lights. |
Beautiful memories 💜💜💜
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ReplyDeleteIt's been a year since the last time I held a little piece of my heart in my arms. Hailey Anne. I say your name to myself each day, over and over again. Saying it means you aren't gone... your name and memories remain, so you're still here. I remember all the time, the last time I saw you. The little things you did to creep your way into my heart. Sweet girl, if I had a daughter, I imagine I'd feel for her the way I did for you. You were always near me, my little shadow and companion through every visit. I never felt alone when you were around, because you were always there clinging to my hip, holding my hand, keeping me company. I missed you tremendously last time we came to visit, I knew you would have been sitting under the tree in papi's backyard with me, watching Joshua and Valeria.
ReplyDeleteMy little boy was always safe with you around, you were like a little mother... nurturing, careful, gentle, patient, loving. You, have always been an angel. Even while pouting, how could anyone get mad? You're eyes said so much, so expressive.
Right here on our driveway, you held me ever so tightly, the way you always did when it was time to go home. At first, you only sobbed. I put one arm around you and the my other hand I ran through your hair, and I told you not to cry-we'll see each other again. And you looked up, and with hope and the realization that another time would come, you said in your own special way, we'd see each other later. And with your pillow sheet in hand, you sat in your momma's van, and you were gone. You sent me messages at times after that day. A picture with Bella, both so close with beautiful smiles. Voice recordings, "hi Zulen, I love you". I love you too... I am glad I got to tell you. I miss you with all my heart baby girl.
I remember too, the day we met. The old paper cut that you forgot about, and still hurt when you remembered it, and how it made you cry. Playing mermaid in the pool. The flower you made me. Lots of memories, little treasures to cherish for always.
I'm glad I have these memories to hold on to. You left little prints of you in my life, and I'm so glad.
Don't forget to visit your mommy in her dreams. And thank you for all the signs, I know you're with those you love the most every single day.
💜
DeleteThank you for sharing Zuli, I forgot some of that too. :) she loved you all do much, I know she is still watching over you specially Joshua:)
DeleteI also can't believe its been a year :(
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