The message pt 2

My beautiful girl,

I woke up missing you more than usual today. It made me not want to go to work or not do much of anything. After your sisters went to school, I found myself in your room holding your purple North Face jacket to my face, smelling your sweet scent on it's collar...

I just miss you so much sometimes it hurts. So, I reach for what is near, something familiar, something that is you. I cried, spoke to you & God and tried to remember the message that you sent Grandma's niece last week.

The message that you are ok.

*********

So when I finally spoke to Grandma last week (it had been a little while), she mentioned that her niece Loni had just left. She had come to tell her in person, that she just came back from a 'spiritual retreat' somewhere. That she was there with a group of people, most of them strangers, who were there to share similar 'spiritual experiences.' That Loni had experienced "something" when she was a child that she never forgot about & got curious as an adult & joined this group of others who shared similar experiences.

Loni told Grandma that during one of the times this group was together, talking or sharing stories....an older man randomly stood up and asked said out loud:

"There is somebody here...there is a spirit here around us. Does anybody know someone named Hailey?"

Aunt Loni said she stood up and answered "Yes, I do!"

Then the man said, "She has a message, but it's not for you. It's to give to her family, who she's been trying to reach with this message for a while. She wants her family to know she is okay & for them not to worry. She sends a symbol of a red rose to show her love for them."

My mouse, if you really did send this message & you've been watching all along, then you already know the tears started pouring down my face when I heard Grandma tell me these words....

I was speechless...but my inner soul was smiling.

Grandma said, "I don't know if you if you believe in that kind of stuff. But I wanted to let you know. Loni came all the way over here to tell me in person, and asked that I tell you."

I told her I did. I do....because I know you've been trying to send me messages all along.

As far as I know, Loni doesn't know about this blog, doesn't have FB or knows anything about your page...

A red rose?? Only you would know about a red rose. Because you know how much I love roses. So much, that Sissy's middle name is Rose.

I even thought about the red rose that was on the front of the invitation the church sent for the mass of remembrance...during which I prayed & cried after hearing your name called out.

I told your sisters & I told Papi so far. I haven't had a chance to tell anyone else. It warmed my heart, my baby girl. They were shocked too. There is no reason Loni would lie or exaggerate. I do believe that you are ok, in my heart I know that's true.

What experience did Aunt Loni have as a child? Where was this retreat? Who was this man? I don't know baby. I was so much in shock at the time, I didn't think to ask. Maybe Grandma herself doesn't know...but you somehow found him. Somehow, you delivered your message.

I hope that if I ever see or talk to Aunt Loni again, I can ask her myself. For now, I just thank her for passing along your message.

I thank you for trying to find a way to let us know. I was able to go to work after all. I was able to survive another day without you. Even though I couldn't shake the lingering feeling of sadness & longing- I still smiled thinking of you.

My beautiful angel.
Flying high in that blue heavenly sky...
Giggling like you used to.
Causing mischief with your angel friends.

Thank you my angel.
My love for you will never fade away,
It will remain forever in my heart.
Our memories forever in my mind.

Until I see you again,
Forever your mommy <3