Nothing lasts forever

My Hailey mouse,

The house is quiet since your sisters left for Jersey with Grandma & Pop Pop. I remember back when you girls were little & me feeling exhausted all time, from being a full time mom & working a full time job. I remember how much I looked forward to the times you'd spend with the family in Jersey, just so I could get a break...

The first & second day I'd relish in the peace & silence. In the not having to cook or clean, just to be able to rest...or get a haircut, nails done, or shopping in peace...whatever it was I wanted to do. Those couple of days of freedom meant a chance to recharge my batteries.

But by the third day I'd be missing you girls terribly. The house was too quiet. There was too much silence.

There is a difference between the two:

"Key difference: Though the words quiet and silent are synonymous with each other, they do not mean the same. Quiet means that a surrounding environment is fairly peaceful except a little noise that lingers around. Whereas, silent means that there is absolutely no noise in the surroundings."

Even Daddy & I were left with nothing to talk about, expect you three.

This time, it's different. I wasn't looking forward to them leaving. I started missing them even before they left. I tried not to think of bad things that could happen; car accidents, illness, etc...but I did. So I hugged them extra tight & told them I loved them an extra time or two, before they left.

I haven't gone shopping or had my nails done yet, because I'd rather do that when they get back. They've turned from babies, to toddlers, to girls, and now....my best friends.

You were my best friend too, and still are my girl. Just in a different way now...

I wonder if this is what it will feel like years from now, when I'm alone. When your sisters are older & living their own lives (even though Bella has sworn she won't :). When their lives won't revolve around mine & mine around theirs.

There was probably many times I've wished for this; in midst of exhaustion maybe. In the longing for the freedom of my youth. But not now...

Now, its too sad.

I realize just how different things are now, how much I've changed, after losing you. In so many ways...this is just one.

I was always warned by older friends or co-workers, & Papi, "Enjoy the time you have with them now. Nothing lasts forever. They will only be this age once."

Even though I believed it then, now I absolutely feel the real truth of it.

*****

Nothing lasts forever. It just changes.

I will always be the mom of three.
I will always love you girls.
But not in the same way; the same manner.
Even the way we mother changes with time.
Our love only grows, with time.

Nothing lasts forever.

Even the aching, longing feeling of missing you my sweet angel, will one day end. The day we are reunited. I feel this deep down to be true.

It's a hope that I have...

That nothing lasts forever.

This life is only temporary & that one day I will see you again.

With all my ever changing growing love,
Your mommy