Happiest girl

My sweet girl,

I started to write you another letter...a sad heart wrenching detailed letter of how this week has been without you. But I stopped half way, realizing it isn't what I want to say to you.

I know you have already felt enough of my pain & seen enough of my tears. I'm sorry for that, but it's nothing that could be helped. Christmas was by far, the hardest holiday we've had to spend without you.

But only because we missed you, incredibly so.  More than words could express. And even though my mind told my heart something different, my heart refused to listen...

My hope is that you were also there for the special moments too. That you saw & heard them also. Because it's those moments I rather remember:

Your Christmas tree at your place in the gardens, with your fairy & your Haileyfly.
The midnight mass we attended, with our family as a whole, for the first time...in honor of you.
The Christmas ornaments that Auntie helped the kids make in your memory.
The card that sissy made for you & read out loud, before we opened the first present on Christmas morning- yours:

It plays a pretty song & has a butterfly on top of the globe.
Beautiful like you...

The candle we lit & placed by your placemat during breakfast.

4 of Bella's Shopkins she gave to you as a gift, and placed in your room (4 exclusive, "non-duplicate ones" that she didn't even have :). Because we knew you'd also want in on the whole new "Shopkins" craze....because you both always wanted what the other had, and more. :)

And finally, the visit we made at the gardens, in the pouring rain...sharing & standing under umbrellas, not caring that it was raining...admiring the pretty Christmas flowers we just laid, looking at your beautiful smile on the plaque, crying, laughing & sharing memories of you...my dear Hailey Anne.

This is what I want to remember, and your sisters too. What we strived to tell you & remind ourselves of....

The heartache will always be there.
Sometimes, some days, worse than others.
But no one can ever take away our love & memories.
It's something that we have to remind ourselves daily, to overcome such pain.
But will gladly do so, if that's what it takes.

Grandma said to me today, "Hailey was the happiest girl in the world. She wouldn't want you to be feeling all this pain."

I know she's right. You were the happiest mouse in all the land. Specially on Christmas.

Christmas morning memories & Santa

And now you're an angel...
I hope you got everything you wanted my angel.
I hope your first Christmas in heaven was extra special.

We all miss you down here, but I know we will see you again one day.

Until then we love you, from the bottom of our hearts & soul.
To the moon, around the universe & back.

Forever, your mommy