Air

Baby girl,

Over the last few months I've read a lot on loss & grief...specially on the loss of a child. Some things I've purposely picked out & read, some I've come across that are completely random...or so I first thought.

The movies I've watched, on the days I can't bring myself to do anything else...not particularly looking for anything specific, but catch my eye somehow:

Wild (the last book I read before our trip, then saw the movie when we came back)- the journey of grief after losing her mom
Things We Lost in the Fire- wife grieving her husband's death
Ordinary People- family grieves over the loss of their son & brother
Still Alice- (read the book)- woman who copes with her diagnosis of Alzheimer's & deaths of her sister & mom when she was younger...
A Little Chaos- love story of a woman who loses her daughter

And probably more I can't remember at this very moment.

Much like the random articles I've found about child loss, while browsing magazines...that captured me so much I tore them out to save for later (they were the mags we recycle at work that they allow us to read during downtime).

The last article I read was about one of my favorite authors- Isabel Allende & the real life loss of her daughter, which I had no idea about. I was at work & had to stop reading it midway because it was so heartbreaking, I didn't want be answering the phones crying.

It was just such a coincidence that I happened to pick up that magazine. Just like I happened to click on those movies, or read those books.

I just started thinking, my angel, that maybe it hasn't been a coincidence after all?

And as sad as the stories are, I finish reading or watching because there's so much inspiration that comes from all of them. I started writing down some of the quotes, some are memorized, never leaving my mind. They help me, baby girl.

It helps me to know, I'm not the first. And that I'm not alone. And that just maybe, you or God or the universe has a hand in placing them in my path & making sure I find them there...

If so, then thank you. Thank you my angel.

When you can't breath, every little bit of air pumped into your lungs, helps.

I love you.

Mommy

*******

(From most recent)

A Little Chaos:

What if no one person is to blame? And what use is blame? It is enough to have that happen to you. It is enough to recover from it. That is as much as we may ask of ourselves. That is enough.

Isabelle Allende- who wrote a couple books about her daughter that I want to read.

Still Alice:

 

 

Wild:

“The universe, I'd learned, was never, ever kidding. It would take whatever it wanted and it would never give it back.”  

“There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another. What leads to what. What destroys what. What causes what to flourish or die or take another course.”  

“God is not a granter of wishes. God is a ruthless bitch.”  

“…the death of my mother was the thing that made me believe the most deeply in my safety: nothing bad could happen to me, I thought. The worst thing already had.”  

“I was a pebble. I was a leaf. I was the jagged branch of a tree. I was nothing to them and they were everything to me.”  

Things We Lost In the Fire:

"You know, you gotta accept the good, man, ’cause they’re gonna make you accept the bad."

Accept the good.