I didn't get to write to you yesterday, because I actually went to work. Something I haven't been able to do on the month anniversaries...
Does this mean I'm slowly healing? Does this mean I'm learning to "carry the pain", as they say- a better way? Or was I just blessed with a little more strength than usual, to get me through the day? I don't know...But I guess I'm thankful either way. It was a pretty big deal & I was glad for it.
Of course we still remembered you my mouse. We got up extra early because I wanted to make sure we all got a chance to visit you at the gardens before Daddy & I went to work. First, we went to Dunkin Donuts to have breakfast- your favorite. Remembering how you'd always find a way to persuade me to take you there (either begging, whining, or blinking those beautiful brown puppy dog eyes with those long lashes) & ordered a chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles- also your favorite.
We remember every little detail about you my mouse.
Then your sisters & I picked the prettiest Spring flowers to freshen up your vase. We figured you're just as tired of the cold & the snow like us, and ready for Spring.
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| Spring flowers- Sissy reminded me that you liked other colors besides purple too, so we got you some pale pinks & whites. |
We miss you so much little girl. I can't believe we're coming up on almost a year. Regardless of these long hard fought months that have passed, the thought still doesn't sink in. I can't comprehend...
But the hard proof is there. It's on our faces, in our eyes, souls & broken hearts.
Your empty room, the empty chairs...
Everything less cheery. More silent. More jaded & faded...
It's on that brass plaque with your beautiful pictures & the written words engraved right on it...telling us that you were once here; and now you are gone.
Gone but never forgotten.
Gone in physical presence, but not in spirit.
The love we have for you resonates in every fiber of our being.
It flows through our veins & pumps in our hearts.
It travels through our airways into our lungs in every breath we take.
No not gone.
You are now with us more than ever.
Loved more than ever...
Of course we will always miss those hugs. That smile & laugh.....I could name a hundred things, my sweet girl. It's in those moments I close my eyes or look at a picture or video. I hug your sisters, or look at the stars, or smell a beautiful flower, look at a sunrise or sunset...feel the wind, or watch a bird fly by......a butterfly or a rainbow....and there you are. I feel you & I see you once again...
You are forever engraved in my heart & my soul....
I carry you wherever I go.
Fly high baby girl, be free....
Just remember one day my spirit will be next to yours.
You are forever our precious angel.
Always & forever,
Your mommy
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